to say that wouldn’t prompt an interrogation. But before I could open my mouth, my mother got up, and on her way to the kitchen just said over her shoulder, “Tell Rocco we look forward to having him over tomorrow night.”
I looked at my dad, and his knowing and sympathetic smile felt like a blessing.
My parents weren’t perfect and there were years when my mother and I could barely be in the same room without blowing up at each other. But they loved me and my sister and did their best to let us be independent people. We knew they had our backs if we needed it. I opened the door, and before I stepped outside I called after my mom, “I will. See you in the morning.”
I wasn’t sure where any of this would end up, but one thing was clear. This had stopped being just a fling.
Rocco
As soon as I heard the knock on the door, I felt the pieces of me that had been in disarray all day lock back into place. As I walked to let Julia in, I remembered something my therapist had told me: that I deserved someone who could be a resting place. I never understood that until now. Just the thought of having Julia in this room, in my space, filled me with an ease that no person had ever brought to my life.
It was heady and addictive and I was starting to feel anxious about what it would be like to walk away from her.
“Hey.” She was wearing her long black parka unzipped. Her usual yoga pant and oversized sweatshirt combo with boots. She looked perfect, flushed from the cold, and the only thing that made sense in that moment was to touch her. Hold her.
I pulled her inside by the hand and as soon as the door was closed, moved in on her. Kissing her hard as we leaned against the door. She clung to me instantly, like she needed this as much as I did. I left weak from the relief I felt from having her here. I heard a thump and pulled away, then saw her bag by our feet.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have mauled you as soon as you walked in.”
She shouldered off her jacket and toed off her shoes, as she looked at me, a small smile on her face. “I like that I get you a little out of control.”
I kissed her again, this time just a small one. “You make me more than a little out of control.”
She eyed my naked torso and the gym shorts I’d put on after my shower and shook her head. “I know the feeling.”
I pushed in for another kiss, then took her coat and her bag and put it on the armchair by the window, while she walked farther into the room and sat on the edge of the king-size bed.
“I should’ve checked on you earlier, mi cielo.”
My gut flipped when I heard the endearment.
My sky.
I knew it was just an expression for a lover that probably didn’t mean anything, but my chest expanded at the idea that I could be that for her.
Her sky.
She was looking at me with concerned eyes, like she didn’t know where to start. But I didn’t want to talk about my fucked-up day or my father’s rage. I wanted to be okay in my own skin again. I wanted the feeling I got when it was just us. The way we fit so perfectly. I walked up to the bed, my eyes locked with hers. I knew she wanted to ask questions, to soothe, but right now all I wanted was her.
Her eyes widened as realization hit her and she smiled, shaking her head.
“Talk later, then?”
I grunted as I held myself back, depriving myself of touching her for a second longer. I let myself feel how much I wanted her. How much her being here had shifted the bitterness of the last few hours and turned everything better, sweeter.
Just her presence had done that because nothing else had changed. I was still hurting from my father’s words, ashamed of my own actions, angry by the awful things I knew he felt and almost said about my sister and Blue. None of that would ever go away, that would always be a source of pain, but Julia—she was here with me and that felt so fucking big.
Julia del Mar... Julia of the Sea. Her name, from the first time I’d heard it, had captivated