“No. They’re nothing like a hybrid’s.” She scooted closer. “Hybrid eyes are a red full of anger and violence. Yours are a beautiful rose red, like the glow of a setting sun. Yours hold nothing but warmth.” She let out a sigh. “But the fact that you just asked the question only reinforces my point. You didn’t even know your eyes glowed, and when you found out, you jumped to the worst possible conclusion—that you’re like a hybrid. Why would you even assume that?”
If anyone else took as long to reply as Declan, it’d probably mean they weren’t going to answer at all. But after all the time they’d spent together over the past few days, she realized he simply liked to think before he spoke. While there was nothing wrong with that, it irritated her that he felt he had to filter every word that came out of his mouth.
“I hate being a shifter,” he said softly.
Kendra stared at him, too stunned to do anything else. She knew a lot of shifters and had never heard any of them utter the words Declan had just whispered.
“Declan, being a shifter is a big part of what makes you the person you are.”
“Yeah, unfortunately that’s true.” He shrugged his broad shoulders. “I can’t help but wonder how my life would have turned out differently if I’d never changed in the first place.”
So that was it. “Meaning, you wonder how things would have worked out with you and Marissa?”
“Can you blame me? We probably would have had a couple kids by now. What would they be like? Where would we be living? Where would I be working? Would I still be close to my family? There are so many possibilities to think about. My life could have been completely different.”
It hurt to hear Declan talking about the kids he’d never had the chance to have, but she couldn’t sit there and commiserate with him—not when the whole fantasy was built on a lie.
“Yes, your life would have been different,” she agreed. “For one thing, you and Marissa would be dead now. Or maybe you’d be dead, and Marissa would have just been raped and beaten. Unless your do-over fantasy includes those two men in Cambridge never attacking you?”
Okay, that was harsh. But it was true.
His jaw tightened. “I could still have fought them off if I wasn’t a shifter.”
She sighed. “You know how unlikely that is, right? One had a knife, the other had a gun. You’ve been in the DCO long enough to know how odds like that usually turn out.”
“I know, but that doesn’t keep me from dreaming about the possibilities anyway.”
Kendra hugged her knees tighter. “That’s why you resist using or even developing your shifter abilities, isn’t it? Because you blame yourself for what happened that night?”
“I suppose,” he admitted. “I’ve never felt right depending—or even accepting—the talents that have brought me so much pain. I never asked to have them, and if I choose to make my way in the world without them, that’s my call.”
“You’re right,” she agreed. “If you don’t want to use the abilities that come with your DNA, you have every right. People do it every day. But there’s one big difference between those people and you. You’re in the DCO. Refusing to embrace your shifter side and use your God-given talents might get someone you care about killed some day.”
“Let’s not bring God into this,” he said wryly. “I’m sure He’s taking a nonparticipatory role in the lives of shifters in general, and my life in particular.”
She held up her hand. “Okay, fine. I’ll agree to drop the unintended philosophical part of the question if you agree to answer the real part. Aren’t you worried someone on your team could get hurt because you won’t let go and allow your true self out?”
Declan swore under his breath. “You don’t think I haven’t thought about that? I think about it all the time.” His eyes flashed light red for just the briefest moment before going back to their usual, beautiful blue. “Hell, I probably could have gotten you out of this mess already if I were more of a shifter.”
She frowned. “What are you talking about? You’ve done an amazing job keeping me safe out here.”
He let out a half snort, half laugh. “Maybe. But I know what holding back has cost me. My sense of