did that shit.”
She was almost rolling on the floor laughing now. She was so easy to bust up. “You are terrible. But the worst part is I think you are actually right.”
“Just check the credentials better. That’s all you have to do.”
“Thanks for the tip. So, how was your day?”
“It was actually really great,” I said.
“Did you fuck him yet?”
“What?”
“Yeah, that Tony Caplan is so hot. I’ve seen him on television a time or two.”
I shook my head and wiped my mouth. “You are warped. But no. I did not fuck him. He seems like a nice guy. I’m going to enjoy working there.”
“Well, that is great. I think you should go for it though. When are you going to have the opportunity to sleep with a billionaire again? You need to take advantage of these things when they come up.”
“I’m not sleeping with anyone. Why are you so warped on this?”
“I’m not warped. I just think you are wasting a nice opportunity. But it’s none of my business. You should at least go out with Jake. You know how much he likes you.”
“I’m not dating your brother. You yourself have told me how much of a pig he is.” Jake was a year younger than Lizzy, but he acted like he was all of twelve. He had a lot of growing up to do and I didn’t think he was going to do that anytime soon.
“I think the two of you would make an adorable couple,” she giggled.
“I know you’re trying to set me up for a horrible night out,” I said. “I’d tell you how bad it was and you’d get a good laugh going. I know how your sick, twisted little mind works.”
“Ok, fine. Don’t date my brother. But why not give this billionaire a chance?”
“Where is this coming from? It’s my first day on the job and you are already asking me to flirt with the boss.”
“I’m just saying it wouldn’t hurt for you to be a bit proactive.”
“Proactive against what?”
“If the boss really likes you then he is more apt to listen to your ideas. And it is great for causing jealousy among your coworkers. If they think you are in tight with him then they will hate you.”
“How is that a good thing?”
“Because then they will talk smack about you, and he will wonder why they would do such a thing when in his eyes you are totally awesome. That makes them look bad. And he starts to observe them a bit more closely. Then he can see how bad they really are at their jobs and you start to shine. How do you not know any of this? It’s like you have never watched any reality shows.”
“This isn’t a TV show and I’m not doing that. I will be fine on my own merit, but I do appreciate you taking such an interest in my new work life.”
“That’s what besties are for. By the way, have you talked to Nellie?”
“No… why?”
“Oh, my God…I have to tell you this. She’s been dating that new guy, Jason, right?”
“Yeah…”
“Well, they’ve been dating for about two months and things are progressing nicely and she feels that this is the night she is going to get busy with him. Why she has waited this long, I have no idea. It’s like she read The Rules and is stuck in the eighties. This isn’t your mother’s reckless twenties, right? Anyway…they go out to dinner and things are going great. Then when they get back to his place they start making out and things escalate. Jason suddenly stops in the middle of this and asks her if she would mind only doing anal.”
“What? That’s weird…”
“Yeah. He said he's saving himself for marriage. So, he only does oral and anal because that doesn’t count as actual sex according to his religion.”
“Oh, shit,” I said. “That is strange. What did Nellie say?”
“She said the anal was pretty good,” Lizzy replied.
I burst out laughing. “She did not!”
“She totally did. I’m just telling you what she told me. My guess would be that it totally freaked her out and she chickened out of the whole thing, but who knows. Anyway, have you ever let a guy in the back door?”
I paused. “I’m suddenly thinking you made all of this up to ask me this random question.”
“No, I did not make any of this up. Ask Nellie; I’m sure she’ll tell you. Hell, she’ll probably put it on all of her social media.”
I shook my