in his head, trying so, so hard to find one that he knew I might understand. . . .
But there was nothing.
I wanted Henri to know that I saw what he felt. I could tell in every smile and every gesture that he really cared about me. And, despite my best efforts, I cared about him, too. I worried about how much I would regret it, but there was only one way to express that feeling.
I closed the distance between us and placed a hand on his cheek. He stared into my eyes as if he’d discovered something truly valuable, something rare that he might never see again. I nodded slowly, and he lowered his lips to mine.
Henri was scared. I could feel it. He was afraid to touch me, afraid to hold me, afraid to move. I didn’t know if it was because I was a princess or because he’d never done this before, but that kiss was so vulnerable.
That made me love it even more.
I pressed my lips into his, trying to tell him without words that this was okay, that I wanted him to hold me. And finally, after a moment of hesitation, he responded. Henri held me like I was delicate, like if his grip was too tight, I’d crumble. And his kisses were the same way, only now, instead of being driven by fear, they were motivated by what felt like reverence. It was an affection almost too beautiful to endure.
I pulled away, slightly dizzy from the kiss, noting that his eyes looked pained, but he wore the tiniest smile.
“I should go,” I said again.
He nodded.
“Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.”
I moved slowly until I was out of his sight, then I ran. My head was swimming with thoughts that I didn’t understand. Why did it bother me so much when Gavril picked at Henri? Why did I have to keep Fox when he should have left? Why did Kile—for goodness’ sake, Kile!—keep popping into my mind?
And why was it so terrifying even to ask those questions?
When I got to my room, I flung myself into bed, feeling disoriented. As angry as I was at Gavril for bringing it up, it did bother me that I couldn’t speak to Henri, that I couldn’t communicate anything intimate to him because of how uncomfortable it would be to go through Erik. As unnerved as the thought made me, if I was going to tell anyone something personal, it would probably be Henri. I felt safe around him, and I knew he was smart, and I admired his passion. Henri was good.
But I didn’t speak Finnish. And that was bad.
I rolled over onto my back in frustration, yelping when something dug into my spine. Reaching around, I felt that it was a knot. I was still wearing Henri’s shirt.
I untied it and, despite how absurd it was, pulled it up to my nose. Of course. Of course he smelled like cinnamon and honey and vanilla. Of course he smelled like dessert.
Stupid Swendish baker with his stupid spices.
This was making me asinine!
This was why love was a terrible idea: it made you weak.
And there was no one in the world as powerful as me.
CHAPTER 28
AT BREAKFAST I WAS STRUCK by a number of things. First was Henri trying to catch Erik up on everything that had happened the night before. Erik’s eyes kept darting over to mine and then back to Henri, and he looked like he was trying to calm him down. I thought for sure Henri would be elated today as the second person in the Selection to get a kiss. Instead, he seemed frantic.
Across from Henri, Kile’s confused gaze flipped back and forth between him and Erik, as he clearly didn’t know enough words to follow even a fraction of the conversation. He slowly spooned food into his mouth without trying to interject.
I also noticed that Baden was trying to get my attention. He gave me a small wave and nodded toward the door. I mouthed “Later” and did my best not to be irritated by him neglecting protocol again.
But the worst by far were Mom and Dad surreptitiously peeking over at me, obviously wondering how much I knew about the uprising.
I cleared my throat. “So, did I do okay last night?”
Dad’s face finally broke into a smile. “I was impressed, Eadlyn. After such a trying week, you were incredibly poised. When Henri got up there and you were so generous with him, it was a wonderful thing to watch. And