Hearts the Last Beat (Angel Fire #6) - Ellie Masters Page 0,43
can’t call Spike my boyfriend. He’s more of an obsession. We’ve done none of the usual, normal things men and women do who date. All I’ve done is lusted over him from afar, building fantasy on top of fantasy. While I hate to admit it, some of what Forest said might be true.
Maybe we’re rushing too fast, professing love when we should be taking a step back to assess where we are and what we want?
Spike’s question kind of throws me for a loop because I have no dreams beyond being with him.
What does that say about me?
Is my world that small? Does it need to be bigger? Am I lost? Adrift? Most days, it feels that way, as if I merely exist within Insanity, surrounded by strangers, one of whom donated the sperm that gave me life.
What I don’t feel is the weight of family. The permanence of it all. The connection and roots that go deep and spread wide.
“There are a lot of kids out there that would give anything for a parent to care about them as much as Bash cares about you,” Spike continues. “Go talk to him, and when you’re done, come find me. I’m aching to take you for a ride.” The corner of his mouth tilts into a roguish smirk.
Just like that, all I see is the man I’m desperately head over heels in love with. The years between us fade away. I know exactly what’s on his mind, and I’m more than up for taking a ride on Spike.
“I’ll be back in a bit.” I bounce on my toes, eager to spend time with him.
“Good. I’ll be out back by the pool.”
Sixteen
Angel
A sense of peace washes over me. Spike provides the anchor my life lacks. I want to loop my arms over his shoulders, press myself tight up against him, lift on tiptoe, and press my lips to his mouth.
But with that feeling comes a spike of fear. I’m terrified to lose what we have. Which is all the more terrifying because we’ve barely begun exploring this thing between us.
Will we stand the test of time? Or, like Forest implied, will our lust run its course and leave two broken hearts in the damage left behind? I suppose there’s no way to know the future. All we have to decide is if it’s worth the risk.
“You scare me,” I say.
“Come again?”
“You and me?” I gesture between us. “Us? Coming together? Falling apart? I’m terrified to lose what we have, especially when we don’t really have it yet.”
“I feel the same way, but I feel it in here.” He stabs at his chest, right over his heart. “I feel you in my heart, in my breath, settling in beneath my skin. We’ve got this. Together, we’re stronger than when we’re apart.”
“You’re a pretty amazing guy, you know that, don’t you?”
“I plan on showing you just how amazing I can be, but we need to get out of here. I plan on doing some pretty filthy things to you.”
“Promises. Promises.”
“Talk to Bash. Tell him you want me to help you become a better driver. We’ll get out of here and see where this thing between us goes.”
“That sounds wonderful.”
He heads out to the pool while I head deeper into Insanity to find my dad. My mind kind of trips on itself when I think of Bash as my dad. Not having one for pretty much all of my life, it feels weird having one now.
It doesn’t take much to find him. When Bash gets pissed, he hits the drums. I head back to the studio portion of Insanity and feel the vibrations of the drums long before I hear the low beat. The walls around here might be soundproofed, but nothing can contain the furious power of Bash on the drums.
I pull up short when I see Holly watching Bash from the hallway. The recording studio portion of Insanity has, among many things, private studios for each of the band members. Smoked glass windows allow people to look in without disturbing the musician inside.
Holly tears her gaze from her husband and levels it on me. She takes a step forward and raises her hand.
“You should go.”
“I just want to talk to him.”
“He needs his space, and so do you for that matter.” She puffs out her chest and glares at me. Her protective instincts engage as she prepares to bar my way. “Your words cut deep.”