Hearts the Last Beat (Angel Fire #6) - Ellie Masters Page 0,42
thought you knew?”
“I didn’t. How would I know? And what do you mean by had?”
“His brother died.” His brows tug together, and his lips press tight.
“What? How?”
“From cancer.”
“Holy shit.” I cover my mouth and crouch down. “I didn’t know.”
“He never talks about it, but it’s the reason why he shaves his head.”
“I thought he was bald.”
“Lots of people do, but he shaves his head in memory of his brother and the chemo he endured. Look, I don’t know how to say this without sounding like a complete ass, and I totally don’t mean it that way, but you need to give Bash a break. He’s dealing with a lot of anger toward your mom for not telling him about you, and he can’t unload that anger on her because she’s no longer here. He sure as shit can’t unload it on you. It’s no more your fault than his. He’s doing the best he can, and is making a shit ton of mistakes, but please try not to use your mother’s death like a weapon. That wasn’t cool.”
“How dare you?”
“I told you it was going to sound like shit.” He holds up his hands in surrender. “I’m trying to be sensitive here, but I don’t know how else to say it without sounding like a dick.” His voice drops to a whisper. “I want to comfort you, and tell you it’s all going to be okay, but I can’t, because we’re not supposed to be… Well, you know.”
I breathe out slow as I realize what I did. “What do I do? Do I go after him? I’m not good at saying sorry.”
“I think you need to give him space, but yeah, you need to go to him, and while you’re at it, ask him if it’s okay if I give you some driving pointers.”
“I don’t need pointers on how to drive.”
“Angel.” He shakes his head again and laughs. “Think about it for a minute.”
Anger rises within me. “I don’t need…” Then it dawns on me. “Oh damn, you’re brilliant.”
His head lifts and there’s a cheeky grin on his face. “Kills two birds with one stone and doesn’t make it awkward that we’re suddenly spending time together. It also gives me a reason to not have to leave the room when you’re around. We’ll build things slow, let everyone get used to seeing us together. Then we’ll spring it on them. It can work.”
“You’re brilliant.” I clap my hands and run up to him, but he puts out a hand to stop me.
“Not yet. They’re used to me keeping my distance. We take it slow, give Forest no reason to out us, and in the meantime, it gives us a reason to be alone.”
“And all because I dumped my shit on Bash.”
“Kind of, and I want to talk to you about that if I could.”
“Why?”
“Don’t you think maybe he has a point? I mean, I get why you’re still hanging around here, and I’m not complaining. Especially since we just started to figure things out, but he’s looking out for your future. Have you thought about what you might want to do?”
“Honestly?”
“Yeah, lay it on me.”
“I’ve thought of nothing else but being with you. No job. No college. It all stops with you.”
He takes a step back. “That’s—it’s something all right.”
“You don’t like that answer, do you?”
“Didn’t say I don’t like it. It’s just a lot to take in. I don’t want to be the reason you don’t pursue your dreams.”
“I don’t know if I have any dreams.”
“Well…” He rubs the back of his neck and peeks at me from behind the fringe of his dark raven hair. “You don’t need to have all the answers. There’s plenty of time to figure things out. In the meantime, why don’t you find your dad and smooth things over?”
An odd feeling comes over me, the weight of the difference in our ages peeks through the curtain.
That’s something an older person would say. Someone with more life-experience. Something Bash would say. I forget Spike’s nearly the same age as Bash, with years of life experience I don’t have. He’s been an adult, doing adult things, since before I started growing breasts, let alone started to think about boys as anything other than a nuisance.
“He’ll just argue with me again. Tell me I’m spinning my wheels.”
I don’t know if I’m talking to my boyfriend or—an older man. I tug at my lower lip, thinking about it. Or rather, not wanting to think about it.