I’d been betrayed by the girl that I’d pledged my fucking soul to. My skin felt itchy and tight, like you could touch me and it would shatter into a million pieces. What went wrong? How did the girl that I’d fallen in love with as a child become a monster? How did we get to this point, where the person I thought I’d known better than anyone could turn around and stab me in the back? I guess the apple didn’t fall far from the tree, I thought bitterly, thinking of how Everly James could have given her father a run for his money.
I’d never been able to tell without looking at my eyes when the blackness was descending, but here in this moment, I could feel it. And I welcomed it. Because it meant that I wouldn’t have to think, that I wouldn’t have to feel.
“Jackson,” my brother said sharply, my hearing suddenly returning. But I just smiled crazily, glad that soon this nightmare would be over.
Caiden kept calling my name, but I didn’t answer. I didn’t even know if I was breathing anymore.
And I welcomed the blackness that I’d always detested with every fiber of my being. In that moment, it was my most prized possession.
Caiden bribed a nurse for some fentanyl while I was gone to the void inside of me. I didn’t know if he was trying to kill himself, or if he just wanted some fucking relief.
As a family, we never really acknowledged what he did. It was always her fault. The bitch that had wrapped herself around both Caiden’s heart and mine, and then squeezed until they both burst open and bled out.
So no, I didn’t know why my brother took that drug.
All I knew is that he didn’t wake up.
He didn’t wake up…until now.
Now
Jackson
It was a bit surreal to see my brother sitting up and laughing with my parents, who suddenly looked like they were ten years younger.
I’d haunted this room for the past few years, prayed to its walls and wished that it was me. And now…it was almost like it had never happened. Sure, Caiden was a ghost of himself, his limbs shrunken with disuse, and I’m sure I would find out soon what else was wrong with his body… But his laugh, my parents’ smiles? They took me back.
To a time when I could smile too.
“Jackson!” Caiden cried when I finally knocked on the doorway hesitantly, once again feeling awkward about ruining their picturesque family tableau.
“Caid,” I quietly responded in a choked-up voice as I hurried to his bedside and sat down in a chair beside it. My parents looked almost annoyed to see me, even though they’d been the ones to call. I avoided looking at them anymore and just paid attention to the miracle I had in front of me.
“How do you feel?” I asked, trying to hold back the traitorous liquid that was threatening to fall. I’d promised myself I wouldn’t cry anymore. I’d done my fair share of crying for my brother…and for Everly.
And I’d vowed to myself it would stop.
I guessed I’d lied to myself just as much as everyone else around me.
Caiden brushed a hand through his hair that was badly in need of a trim. The staff had given him regular haircuts, but there must have been something about being comatose that just gave you a sort of homeless look.
“I mean, I just found out I’ve lost two years of my life. How would you feel?” he answered, but surprisingly, the words didn’t come out bitter. My brother was way better than me. I was bitter down to my core, and I wasn’t the one who’d been in a coma.
“Dad…Mom…can you guys go ask if I can have something to eat?” He held up the feeding tube that had been keeping him alive these past years. “I’d love to get something a bit more solid.”
My parents immediately agreed and rushed out of the room. Something in my stomach clenched at the easy way he’d manipulated them.
It reminded me of that night. The night that I did my best not to think about anymore.
Especially because…
Fuck. How fucked up was I that I missed her, even as I sat next to my brother, the boy she’d ruined?
Really fucked up.
I was missing her right now.
My brother waited for them to leave and then for their footsteps to fade away before he leaned close to me.
“They won’t talk to me about Everly. Have you seen her?