been married to her; at one time, he loved her the same way he loved me now. He would need to talk about his feelings for her, and I needed to be a big enough person to understand this. I shook my head and tried to focus on what was important. “Okay, but it’s their daughter.”
“If they didn’t make the trip when she was alive, why would they when she . . .” He swallowed, visibly choking on his next words. “When she’s not.” He cleared his throat.
“I guess so,” I said. “But it’s still pretty sad.” Both sets of my grandparents lived on the East Coast, so Sam and I didn’t get to see them much when we were growing up, but they always sent us birthday cards and Christmas presents. I always knew they loved me.
Victor nodded. “Anyway . . . how are you doing?” he asked, searching my face with his clear gray eyes. It seemed like such a small question for the enormity of our circumstances.
I shrugged and gave him a brief smile. “It doesn’t matter how I’m doing. How are you? How are the kids?” I paused, knowing he was looking for a better answer than that. The problem was, I didn’t have one. Everything inside me felt unhinged. I took a deep breath before speaking again. “I don’t think it’s easy for any of us right now. It’s just devastating all around.”
Victor sighed and took my hands in his. “I don’t want you to be devastated. This was supposed to be such a huge weekend for us. Telling the kids about our engagement. And now . . .”
“Now things are different,” I finished for him. “But we’re still engaged. We just don’t tell the kids yet. That’s all. We help them get through the roughest part of this first.”
“That shouldn’t be your job,” he said quietly, looking back at me. “Listen. I know this wasn’t part of our plan. The kids with us full-time, I mean. I’m a little overwhelmed by the prospect myself, so I’d understand if you didn’t want to do it.” His voice was low, his words deliberate.
I swallowed hard, wondering if my fear and confusion about the situation was obvious despite how hard I’d worked to disguise it. I decided the best thing I could do was be honest. “It is overwhelming. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little apprehensive about dealing with all of this.”
He suddenly looked scared, too, and in that moment, it felt like my choice was made. There was no way I could leave him. Not now. I reached a hand up and smoothed his hair back from his face. “I know you’re tough, honey, but you can’t be the rock for everyone. I’m here for you. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Thank you for that,” Victor said, and his eyes grew dark. “But I need to be very clear with you about something. You don’t have to worry about taking care of the kids. They’re my kids. My responsibility. Our life will be different because they’re living here, of course. But our relationship—you and me—doesn’t have to change. Because I want you to be my partner, not their parent. Okay?”
I nodded once, briefly, allowing myself to become buoyed by his words. We kissed, and he went to talk with the children while I showered and dressed. I texted Melody and asked her if she could meet me at Kelli’s to help me pack up the kids’ things, and she immediately shot back an “Absolutely. Send me the address.” I complied and then walked down the hallway to the kitchen, where Victor handed me two sheets of paper listing the things Max and Ava wanted me to bring: Purple radio by bed, Ava had written. Orange paper clips. Conditioner in green bottle in the shower. And then she went on to detail the multitude of clothing I would need to pack up. Max’s list was easier: Jeans, it read. Shirts with stuff on them. Red flashlight and my Iron Man Halloween costume. My mom’s blue blanket off her bed.
“Take as long as you need,” Victor told me. “Call me if you have any questions.”
My mother had left me a message earlier, returning my call from yesterday, so I slipped on my headset and called her back as I drove toward Kelli’s house. She was likely in her garden, where she’d spent most of her time since she retired ten years ago and moved about