their bond stronger when her control was so erratic? She couldn’t do that to him. She had to lie if only to protect him.
It occurred to Veronyka that Val had probably told her about her shadow magic for the very same reason Veronyka wasn’t telling Tristan: She’d wanted to make Veronyka more completely under her control. She’d hounded Veronyka to guard her mind and not project her thoughts, but she’d done nothing to help Veronyka protect herself from Val’s influence. Her dark mood plummeted even further at the thought.
“What if I didn’t use it at all?” Veronyka asked, a flicker of hope kindling in her chest. She’d already suspected that the best way to protect herself and those she was bonded to was to pretend she didn’t have this kind of magic at all—and Morra had basically just confirmed it. The problem was, she didn’t know how. “What if I blocked it completely? There must be a way to do that without blocking my animal magic. And the less I use shadow magic, the weaker it will get, right?”
“Pretending something doesn’t exist doesn’t make it go away,” Morra said warningly, but she saw the shining desperation in Veronyka’s eyes. “The thing is, there are side effects to blocking out magic, Veronyka. It can come out when you least expect it, no matter how well you close it off, and you weaken your ability to detect and deal with it properly when you do. It’s a muscle. If you ignore it, you weaken it. If you do not use your legs, eventually they will atrophy, and there may come a time when you need to run for your life—and you will not be able to.”
“But shadow magic isn’t life and death,” Veronyka said, but Morra did not seem to agree. She frowned, pouring herself another cup of tea. “Please, Morra?” Veronyka begged.
Morra sighed. “How do you imagine your magic?” she asked, leaning back and wrapping her hands around the warm mug. “How do you see it in your mind?”
Veronyka was surprised by the question, but eager at the prospect that Morra might be willing to teach her after all. She thought for a moment. “I see it like a river, and my mind is a stone tower in the center of the rush. If I want to protect myself, or block out the chatter of people and animals, I shore up the stones, reinforcing the walls so no water—or magic, I guess—gets through. It used to work for me, but…” She shrugged, avoiding Morra’s eye. She didn’t want to explain what was happening between her and Tristan—that there were doors in her stone tower—if she could help it.
“One river, for both animal and shadow magic?” Morra asked, and Veronyka nodded. “Well, that’s part of the problem right there. It’s two rivers.”
“Two rivers…,” Veronyka repeated, rocking back slightly in her chair. “But whenever I open myself up to animals, humans get in too.”
“That’s because of the way you’ve trained yourself to understand it. Your mind shapes the magic, not the other way around. It’s no wonder you’re having such trouble. Up here,” she said, tapping her own temple, “I’ve got a fine Pyraean house with red shutters and a domed roof, and two dusty roads on either side: one for animals, one for humans. You need to separate the two in your mind, learn to tell the difference between them. Do that, and blocking out one and not the other should be relatively easy—not that I’d recommend it,” she added sternly. “You will have to face it eventually, Veronyka, and I fear you will not be well equipped when you do.”
But Morra didn’t understand. Veronyka wasn’t dealing with the usual kind of magical influence—loud rooms and crowds of strangers. She had two human bonds, and the web that was tangling between them was too dangerous to let remain. If she could block out Val and Tristan, she’d never have to worry about Val intruding upon her mind or her own mind accidentally intruding upon Tristan’s. It was worth any sacrifice, worth any struggle she might one day face, to have safety and security now.
Veronyka considered the possibilities as she toyed idly with her bracelet.
It was more than just the bond, though. Val’s presence in her mind was more than just magic. Val was constantly in her thoughts, even when she wasn’t magically in her mind. Veronyka understood suddenly that she couldn’t block one without blocking the other. Val and shadow magic were