and I knew with his tone that it was an underline warning to start explaining myself. I laughed nervously and before I could stop myself, my inner filter had no chance at stopping me.
“Well, I could start by telling you that I'm a human who accidentally on purpose stepped into Hell believing that she could save, not only her boyfriend and her mother, but her boyfriend’s entire kingdom...” I paused to hold up a finger and continued,
“…which I may add, ended up not being the case, as in at all! But pretty much resulted in me getting attacked by giant spiders and crazy weird tree pod people, which I managed to survive thanks to these guys,” I said cocking a thumb over my shoulder at them and definitely this time making the captain frown. And this really should have been my cue to shut the hell up, but it was as if verbal vomit was just spewing out of me.
“So that was before the dragon behind me saved my ass, which don't let this big three headed beast fool you, because they are actually three shifters by the name of the McBain brothers… well, anyway, they saved me and took me back as their bounty to the King…”
“You’re bounty?” he questioned, making me laugh nervously again before waving a hand in front of myself and saying,
“Oh, it turned out fine in the end you see, as the King turned out to be my boyfriend… Ha, I know what you’re thinking, crazy right…? Like, who knew, not me, clearly?!” I said now laughing like he would find this funny, but instead he just folded his arms across his chest and said,
“Indeed.”
“Err, well anyway, I found this out before I got thrown in prison by his brother who thought I was a witch… which I am not by the way!” I pointed out quickly, making him nod and say,
“Continue.”
“Oh, okay, well the King came back, was not happy to find his girlfriend in prison as you can imagine,” I said as though he could, making him once again comment dryly,
“Indeed… and you ended up here how?” he asked, making me say,
“Oh, right, that… well, I got kidnapped by harpies but don’t worry, I killed them all,” I told him, making him finally react as if this was the most shocking part of all, one I didn’t focus on but instead continued to tell him my tale of insanity.
“But then I got chased by Hellhounds, jumped on a boat of death and then thankfully the McBain brothers found me in a shitty tavern before a mob could attack me.” Hell, but even saying all of this out loud was making me disbelieve myself, so Gods only knew how much of it this guy was believing!
“That’s quite a tale, and one I hope ends soon with how you came to be here… which you have still yet to tell,” he said, obviously now prompting me to do so and telling me in a really nice way that he was getting impatient.
“Ah, yes, well we were on our way back to the Realm of the Dead, which I should point out is where my boyfriend rules as King, but we got double crossed by the portal master who had been hexed by this witch, who kind of wants me dead sometimes and kidnapped the other… okay, well I'm not actually sure what she wants with me but anyway, we got pushed into this realm.” At this he released a sigh, and with a glance spared at the dead bandits scattered around the place he said,
“Hence the raiders.”
“And hence not really knowing where we are, oh, and why we are here, that would include the dragon at my back not really being from this realm… although coincidence, much.” By the time I had finished this very quick recap on I don't actually know how many days, because really, they all started to merge into one a while ago. So, by the time I had stopped speaking, I think he was ready to throw me in whatever version of the Dragon Lands loony bin there was. I knew this when he tore his helmet off his head and demanded in disbelief,
“Do you want to explain the dragon part of that to me again?”
“Oh Gods, not really, I mean it was hard enough saying it the first time,” I admitted on a sigh, that in truth was one that related to the handsome face I now found staring