Opening the door to Carson’s office, I stepped inside and knew instantly that I’d made a colossal mistake. This was most definitely not his office. Not unless his job was to be a pretty, pink princess.
I willed my legs to turn me around and leave the room, but they wouldn’t listen. My feet felt rooted to the floor. I was intruding into a space that wasn’t meant for me, and yet, I wanted to stay so badly. Everything was just so pretty.
I wanted to crawl into the pink daybed and wrap myself up in the matching crushed velvet blanket. I wanted to close the sheer canopy around myself and block out the rest of the world as I cuddled the pink bunny waiting for me. I shuffled closer, the fluffy white rug tickling my toes as I crossed the room.
The overhead lights were off, but the white fairy lights circling the top of the room and the pink glow radiating from the nightlight by the bed gave the room a fairytale feeling. It was like I was in a different world, and nothing outside the door mattered.
The white vanity drew my attention next. I studied the contents of its surface, my fingers itching to touch the various lipstick tubes and eye shadow palettes. I noticed the small display of nail polish bottles and the empty spaces, knowing exactly where Carson had gotten the stash he’d lent me to paint my mini.
I took in the shelves of dolls and toys, the little table in the corner I imagined went perfectly with the tea set I’d stumbled upon earlier, and an exquisite dollhouse. Drawn to it like a moth to a flame, I crossed the room and dropped down onto the floor in front of it. It was massive and amazing, the perfect replica of a Victorian gothic house.
I leaned forward and peered into the living room window through the tiny, lace curtains. There were miniature paintings on the wallpapered walls, tiny vases with as equally tiny plants, and little furniture just waiting for their little owner to use.
Moving on, I looked into the entry hall at the little staircase going up to the next floor and the teensy-weensy mail resting on the side table by the door. Room by room, I studied it all. I had to keep my hands firmly by my sides to stop myself from touching.
All the lights in the dollhouse flickered on as a sharp click sounded from my right. Startled, I fell back with a shriek as I pressed my hand to my chest. Carson was crouching next to where I’d been kneeling before he’d scared the bejesus out of me, a laughing smirk on his face.
A wild blush swept across my face knowing he’d caught me snooping in his private playroom. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude. I—I just went into the wrong room and then I…”
I didn’t leave.
Carson’s smile softened as he dropped down to the floor to join me. “It’s okay, Miller. I don’t mind.”
I sat up, my fingers plucking at the rug as I stared at the magical dollhouse. “But I’m sure your little doesn’t want me playing with her things.”
It was a little underhanded, but I needed him to squash my developing feelings once and for all. I glanced over at him when he stayed quiet and squirmed at the knowing look in his eyes.
“I don’t have a little,” he said, sending my useless, useless hopes soaring. “And if I did, they most certainly wouldn’t be a little girl.”
I rocked back as confusion swirled through my body.
Wait, Carson was gay? Wait. Wait. What?
The tiny ball of hope I’d tried to squash but had secretly nurtured exploded in a sea of glittery hearts.
“But… I don’t… but.” I looked around the room and took in all the pink. “I don’t understand.”
Carson’s smile was gentle as he reached for the dollhouse, flipped some internal mechanism, and swung the front open to reveal its secrets.
“Some little boys like pretty pink things,” he explained, reaching into the dollhouse to rearrange the living room to his liking. “Some little boys like dressing like a princess and painting their nails. Some little boys like having tea parties and playing with dolls.” He pulled back his hand and tilted his head as he studied his work. “They’re just not that easy to find.”
I stared down at the floor, my vision blurring as tears welled up in