and I struggled to keep my guts in one place. I hadn’t eaten much all day, so it wasn’t like I would have produced anything but bile, but still.
Meadow flushed and pushed him away after Rafe said something soft and no doubt endearing in her ear. Then she looked back at me, her cheeks pink. “Anyway. I just wanted you to know that it gets better, even if it takes a while. Just be gentle with yourself and take as much time as you need.”
“Thanks,” I said, and rubbed my shoulder as my muscles ached. “It sure doesn’t feel that way.”
“It’ll sneak up on you,” she said. Meadow offered a few more thoughts on how eventually everything would be fine, then twined her fingers together a little nervously and pressed her lips together. “Sorry. You probably don’t want to hear about this. Deirdre said you just wanted to go back to normal life, so I’m sure us being here kind of disrupts that.”
My eyebrows rose, and I started to frown as I considered. I had wanted to go back to normal. I’d told them all that multiple times: walking away, going back to the way things were, finding normal again. But somehow... somehow between that incredible night with Dodge and everything that came after, ‘normal’ lost some of its appeal. ‘Normal’ looked lonely, and alone, and limited. Woefully uninformed and completely lacking in magic, in possibilities.
I swallowed a knot in my throat. Somewhere along the way, I started to want what they offered, what a pack meant. I wanted the supernatural in my life. I wanted Dodge in my life, and that meant his pack, and his friends, and everything about him that was so beyond normal it was extraordinary.
I exhaled and my eyes prickled with threatening tears as the feeling of loneliness rose up again. I wanted the pack and yet didn’t have it. Maybe I’d never have it. I managed to clear my throat and say, “I used to think I wanted normal, but... but I think my opinion is starting to change. After the last few weeks, having a pack has been a huge help. I don’t think I would have survived without Mercy and Deirdre and everyone else. Including Edgar and his family.”
“That’s good to hear,” Rafe said. He squeezed Meadow’s hand. “There is a lot that packs bring to the table that we don’t often pay attention to. It’s very useful to have a built-in family. No matter what the rest of the world is doing or thinking, there’s always support.”
I nodded, though my throat closed and made it difficult to breathe or speak. “Sure.”
Although it felt like I’d waited too long and maybe Deirdre’s family didn’t want me anymore. Maybe Dodge didn’t want me near his pack, since they’d belonged to him first. I forced a smile and tried to say lightly, “Maybe I’ll join your pack, if you’ll have me.”
They glanced at each other, a quick look that communicated surprise and a bit of hesitation. My heart sank. Okay, so maybe one didn’t just invite oneself to someone’s pack. Was it invite-only?
Before I could walk it back and claim to be joking, Rafe nodded and put a business card on the table. “Any time. We’d be lucky to have you, if you don’t have another pack in mind. I thought Evershaw and his people would claim you. They kind of already claimed you and threatened dire consequences to anyone who bothered you. But if you’re looking for back-up and a family to support you, we are one hundred percent on board. That’s all my contact information, and Meadow’s as well. If you need anything – anything – just call. No questions asked.”
The kindness made it even more difficult to breathe. My vision blurred a bit but I kept the smile on my face as they slowly rose from the couch and headed for the door. “Thank you. I appreciate it. And maybe – maybe I’ll take you up on dinner later this week. If the offer still stands.”
Meadow hugged me. “Always. I’ll check in on you in a couple of days, okay?”
I nodded, wiping under my eyes in case a hint of moisture had crept out. “Sure. Yeah, sure. That would be nice.”
“Good.” She grinned and opened the door. “We’ll get out of your hair so you can rest, but I’ll be back to ask you about the habitat design. My uncle Smith is very interested in what you can do with a