Have Mercy - Christina Lee Page 0,71

him, and Mercy blinked softly, which I’d come to recognize as contentment. Unless I was losing it. Caitlin might say I was—or even some of the guys from the platoon. Or maybe they’d get it. Once discharged, they’d be irrevocably changed too.

“After the explosion, when you were lying on the ground, was there something you remember thinking that kept you focused? Kept you alive, if you will?”

I swallowed my gasp, not wanting to startle Mercy. It was so much easier to talk about this stuff when I was busy tending to him. So maybe there was something to this equine therapy, after all.

“I thought of my mom.” I glanced briefly in her direction. “I remember thinking that I didn’t want to come home in a casket. That I needed to get through it for her.”

Fuck, I hadn’t even told my mom that. She might’ve lost it if I did. We’d probably both dissolve into tears.

Dr. Barnes stayed quiet, as if allowing that revelation to settle inside me as I finished with Mercy. When the task was complete, I gently gripped Mercy’s halter and smooched his nose. I had never done that before, but it felt right. He was sort of my savior. Or one of them, at least.

“If you were Mercy’s mirror of the world, what would he see through your eyes?”

Well, if that wasn’t a profound question, I didn’t know what was. I grew very still as I studied the horse in front of me, who was trusting me enough not to hurt him.

“He would see that…sometimes painful stuff happens that makes you ache all over, even down to your bones,” I replied, my eyes suddenly growing misty. “But with time it’ll feel better. You just have to find your way.”

“Can you help him find his way?” Dr. Barnes asked.

“What do you mean?” My voice came out raw with emotion.

“Well, he’s been groomed by you several times now, and that’s felt good and safe. But maybe he’s ready to take the next step.”

My stomach dipped as much with fear as wariness. “What’s the next step?”

“Definitely not you riding him, so I want you to relax. I saw how you tensed up,” she said, and I chuckled because it was true. “But horses like exercise and company. It’s what keeps them moving in a pasture.”

I held my breath and waited. Did she want me to go out to the pasture with him?

“How about you walk him around the paddock?”

I glanced over my shoulder at the oval-shaped enclosure. “I’d like that.”

“Great. First you need to untie him,” she said, joining me near the fence. “Stand to the left side of him and grab the rope with your dominant hand.”

I did as she instructed, my hands trembling.

“Now it’s just you and Mercy.” She stepped back. “Use your instincts to guide him.”

It took me a minute to work up the courage. In a lot of ways, Mercy was just like me. He only wanted gentle hands—okay, maybe a firm hand sometimes too. I willed away the heat from my cheeks.

“C’mon, boy.” When I stepped forward, I thought he was going to resist, but he didn’t. We walked side by side, staying in tune with one another as we went around the curves.

“That’s it. You’re doing great,” Dr. Barnes said as I lost myself in leading him. It felt exhilarating, even though it was only a stupid walk around a paddock.

After our third time, I led him back toward the fence, where Dr. Barnes helped me tie him up again. I couldn’t keep the grin off my face, just like those couple of times I’d watched Ainsley from afar in her sessions. It was a feeling of accomplishment, sure. But also something way bigger—deeper—than that.

I sobered as I considered asking a question that had been bugging me for days.

“What will happen to Mercy after I’m gone? I mean, I know he’s in a safe place. I just wondered—”

“You helped lay the groundwork for him to trust others.” She patted my shoulder. “You’ll always have a special bond.”

That didn’t sit right with me, I decided, after we ended our session and I walked back to work at the silo. I almost wished I hadn’t started anything with Mercy in the first place because I realized now how much I would miss him. Kerry too.

Just as I was beginning to sand the large sideboard that would work as a counter in their store, Sienna swept through the door with a boxful of different stains we were