on the way to doing whatever you want.” He turns for the door.
“Vas, wait,” I blurt out, my heart feeling frantic.
He stops, tilting his chin slightly toward me. “It’s fine. I’ll get over it. You’re doing me a favor, really. Now I know where I stand.”
He leaves me alone in the trailer, taking all the color with him.
Las Vegas, Nevada November – Week 14
CHAPTER SIXTY-THREE
I’ve been home for two weeks and have barely spoken a word to my parents. There’s a lot we still haven’t talked about, and I guess I was in such a hurry to get away from Maison du Mystère that I didn’t really think about how those conversations would go.
There’s still so much I need to apologize for.
But right now, my heart is too broken for remorse.
It’s too broken for anything.
I feel the dark clouds coming back. And I’ve met them enough times that they should feel familiar, but they never do.
And it’s always hard to pinpoint exactly what it is that invited them.
Was it leaving Maison du Mystère? Was it leaving Vas? Or were they already well on their way before then, hovering until they found the perfect opening?
Sometimes I think they’re always hovering. Always waiting.
But every now and then I can convince myself I’m happy enough to pretend they aren’t there.
I keep reminding myself this isn’t the worst it’s ever been, but then I think—will it get worse? Is this just the start? And how long will it be until I bounce back again?
Will I ever bounce back?
My brain wrestles these thoughts until I’m exhausted and I force myself to sleep most of the days away.
Mom and Dad seem concerned, but they shouldn’t be. This is not the part of my life where I needed their concern. This is the part I’ve already made sense of—by embracing that it doesn’t always make sense. This is just part of who I am—maybe who I’ll always be.
Popo tells me darkness is a wave, and all waves pass eventually.
But right now, in this moment, it feels like it will last forever.
I’m filled with such a crushing amount of regret. Regret that I took Dad’s music and gave it to Simon. Regret about hurting Tatya, and neglecting my friendship with Chloe. Regret that I joined Maison du Mystère, and put my trust in Simon.
I regret everything in the last few months.
Everything except Vas.
Until the moment we said goodbye.
CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR
Relationships are like most living things—if you don’t nurture them, they’ll die.
All I can hear is Vas’s voice, over and over again like he’s burning the words into my memory.
Which is pointless, because they’re already there.
What have I done? What have I ruined?
I’ve been ignoring all the people I care about most. The people I love. And why? Because I get too excited and I can’t remember to make an effort? Or because I don’t want to make the effort?
What does that say about me?
I’m not trying to be the crappy half of every relationship, but maybe I am. Not all the time, but when I’m like this? When I stop treating people like they matter? When I take them for granted and assume they’ll still be waiting whenever I’ve finished doing whatever ridiculous thing I’m doing?
I’ve lost all the friends I care about, and my family may never forgive me.
Hermione Granger used a Time-Turner because there weren’t enough hours in the day to do all the things she wanted. But me? I’d use a Time-Turner to do everything over.
I’d take back the mean things I’ve said. I’d tell people I cared about them more. I’d try harder to make other people as happy as I want myself to be.
Because maybe that’s the point I’ve been missing. Maybe happiness doesn’t mean anything at all if I’ve hurt other people to find it.
Vas was right. Chloe was right. They were all right.
It’s funny—when I was wrong, I was so certain I knew exactly what I was doing. But now that I want to do the right thing, I have no idea where to start.
CHAPTER SIXTY-FIVE
Eventually I find the courage to talk to Mom and Dad. I tell them both how sorry I am. I tell them I don’t expect them to forgive me, but I hope they at least believe me when I say I wish I could take it all back.
They don’t hesitate for even a second. They tell me they forgive me, and that there’s no need to feel guilty anymore. I get the feeling they wanted me home