its end. My breath is caught in my throat, but I’m too afraid to take in more air—too nervous to let anything out. Only one balloon remains, bright and red in the very center. Vivien picks up a bow with her feet, does a handstand, and curls her legs over her head, pointing an arrow directly at the balloon. Drawing the string with her toes, I can see the flash of her teeth.
She loves this, the way I love the trapeze.
The arrow releases, sailing across the ring.
Pop.
Vivien is standing, the blindfold in her right hand, waving at the empty spaces around her and taking a low bow. When she lifts herself back up, she spots me at the edge of the mat and grins.
“That was incredible,” I gush, taking a few steps toward her.
Three fire-jugglers are standing at the back, going over their routine with practice pins. They look at me for only a split second before turning back to their equipment.
I try to ignore the sinking feeling trying to pull my entire body down with it.
Vivien smiles with her whole face. “Are you going to stick around and watch? I still have another half hour left before the contortionists take over. It would be so much easier if they could just practice in the yard, but Simon has a strict no-performing-for-free policy. Guess there’s too big a risk of people pulling up outside to watch us through the fence like we’re part of a big zoo.”
I open my mouth to tell her I’d love to stay, but the words come to a halt on the tip of my tongue. I feel the fire-jugglers staring hard.
Maybe they want privacy, or maybe they just don’t like me. But either way, it’s obvious they don’t want me here.
It was easy to make friends at Teatro della Notte. Everyone was nice. Welcoming. And they always made me feel like I fit in.
I guess I thought every circus would be the same.
But maybe it was only easy for me because my parents were the owners. Maybe everyone had to like me, by default of who my mom and dad are.
The possibility that Mom wasn’t the only person who lied to me makes me queasy. Teatro della Notte was my family—I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel knowing it might’ve all been an illusion.
Am I a difficult person to like?
And if so, what am I doing wrong?
Vivien turns around, and it only takes her a second to put all the pieces together. She looks back at me apologetically and rolls her eyes. “Maggie told everyone you were after her job.”
“What?” My heart sinks. So that’s why everyone is pretending I don’t exist. They don’t just think I screwed over a stranger—they think I screwed over one of their own.
Of course they hate me.
She clicks her tongue against the roof of her mouth and shakes her head. “They think they’re doing her a favor by giving you the cold shoulder or something. But don’t worry—Dexi and I told everyone she’s lying. It will all blow over in a few days, you’ll see.”
A few days. Okay. I can handle a few days.
Right?
I force a smile. “Thanks—for sticking up for me, and for the invite to watch the rehearsal. But I’m actually pretty tired, so I’ll probably head back to the trailer for a while.” Tired of feeling like what I want will always be just outside my reach. I bite down on my thoughts and shrug like it’s not a big deal. “I’m supposed to be shadowing Maggie in a couple hours anyway.”
Vivien smiles and skips back to her target board, retrieving the knives, arrow, and scraps of ravaged balloon.
I sulk out of the tent and chew my bottom lip. I feel like I’m losing control.
I think about what Mom and Dad would say if they were here. Probably something along the lines of I told you so. Popo might be a bit more forgiving. She’d scold me for breaking my parents’ trust, but I think she’d understand, too.
And Chloe, who seemed so mad at me earlier—what would she say?
I think there’d be sympathy, but then she’d tell me to come home. She wouldn’t remind me that I came here knowing it would be hard, and that encountering a few roadblocks just means I have to try harder. She wouldn’t tell me I joined Maison du Mystère for a reason, and I can’t leave until I’ve trained with Maggie and accomplished what I set out to