I continue my stare into Nolan’s sullen eyes, realizing I don’t have a real answer to his question. I know I love him—that’s a fact. He’s the first person I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last person I think about before I go to sleep at night. But what’s in between there? What makes me love Nolan so much?
“Nolan I—” I break off and his eyes depress even more. He doesn’t blink once as his fingers slide into his back pockets.
“You know what’s funny?” he asks.
His gaze drifts as I wait for him to answer his own question.
“For the past twenty-four hours, I couldn’t come up with a real answer either. I don’t know why I love you so much. I just know it’s here between us. It kind of snuck up on me and now I can’t deny it. I can never go a day without thinking about you but if there’s one thing I was taught from my mom, it’s that we should always know why we’ve fallen in love with that one person who’s changed everything. We should always know why we love someone and what makes them so different from the rest. I love her because she took care of me and, even though it was hard, she raised me correctly. I love my dad because he treated me well and never left from my side. He always taught me right from wrong. I love Mills because he’s always taken care of me and has been my wise conscious for years.”
He looks at me briefly, slowly making his way towards the door. Swallowing the brick in my throat, I stare at him, confused and in somewhat of a shock. Why is he talking like this? What the hell did I do?
“What are you saying, Nolan?” I ask before he can open the door.
He looks over his shoulder, his grip tightening around the door knob. “I’m saying this between us seems like it happened kind of fast, Natalie. It’s starting to feel like we jumped into it way too quickly. You don’t ever sit and think about why? Why were we so quick to hop onto one another? We were hurt, both in need of a healing. I thought about it and . . . I just don’t know anymore.”
My pulse pauses as he turns to look at me. “S-so what do you want? A break? You want to just drop what we have?”
“You can’t even tell me what we have, Natalie!” he booms. “I can’t tell you, either! I wanted you from the start for your looks—for your body. I wanted to finally be faithful.” He runs a heavy hand through his hair. “I mean, I have. This is the longest I’ve been faithful and the longest I’ve gone without having sex but as we did it, I just couldn’t figure out what it was about you that made me fall in love this much. It just . . . happened. That thought alone bothers me because I need to know. I need a real reason why. It’s not healthy for us not to know.”
“How is that something to be upset about?” I ask. “What’s wrong with being in love just to be in love, Nolan? What’s wrong with caring and falling because you feel a connection with that person?”
He sighs, his head lowering. “It’s nothing, Natalie. Okay? Let’s just drop it. Meet me in the kitchen. I’ll make some calls to see who the cheapest mortician around here is.”
Before I can respond, he swings the door open and steps out. The slam is a little harder than expected but it only proves his frustration. What in the hell is wrong with him? I’m trying to put myself into his shoes but by now I’m confused. I definitely didn’t see this coming.
Slumping down on the edge of the bed, I run my fingers through my hair with a sigh. I knew I should have just given him his space. It’s obvious that coming to California this soon was a terrible mistake.
Chapter Six
Nolan
Natalie’s only staying for four days which is good and bad. I want her around because I don’t want to be alone. I want someone to hold onto to get rid of the hole in my chest however I don’t want her to witness this side of me or even Mills. I’m reliving a nightmare. I thought it was bad with my father being gone but it’s much