this man you married?”
“Given your heart” was such a sentimental, almost feminine, expression, and it surprised her, coming from him. Had Darshan always spoken this way? As if he had practiced phrases to please a woman? She couldn’t remember.
She lifted her chin. “I agreed to my marriage. I circled the sacred fire with Rishi.”
“It was wrong. It was a mistake.”
She faced him again. “Your mistake, not mine. Had you spoken one word of support, I would have fought everyone to stay with you.”
“You don’t know what went on, Janya. You weren’t there.”
“And you never told me. Tell me, does Padmini know you’re here? Did you mention that you would seek me out on this trip?”
“You’re bitter.”
“I am realistic. But you haven’t yet answered. Why are you here?”
“Because you’re the only woman I will ever love.”
She stared at him. Darshan’s eyes were brimming with emotion. She remembered when he had looked at her this way and she had trembled under his gaze. She was trembling now, and she wasn’t certain why. This was too much to bear. All the nights she had prayed Darshan would come back to her. And now, here he was, and their love was impossible.
“Go,” she said. “Don’t come back.”
“You haven’t yet listened. You don’t know why I’m here.”
“Tell me quickly, then, before you say goodbye and mean it.”
“I can’t do it quickly, Janya. That’s not fair to either of us.”
“I must pick up Rishi at work. He will wonder what’s taking so long.”
“Say you’ll meet me again. Say you’ll come and listen to everything I have to say. Because we can be together. I know a way.”
She found this perplexing. Was he suggesting she divorce Rishi? Was he planning to break his vows to Padmini? Did he plan for them to marry and live in a place where no one would know what they had done?
She shook her head. “There is no way.”
He stepped forward then, and lifted her chin. “You must hear me out. You still love me, too. I can see it in your eyes.”
She was pulled in by his voice, by the deep waves of sound lapping over her. She was entranced by the familiarity of his scent, something masculine, a hint of sandal-wood, a touch of cedar. At the same time, the words themselves nagged at her, as if these, too, had been practiced.
He smiled sadly. “I don’t know what to say or how to say it. I’m falling back on clichés, Janya, but they express what I feel. I love you. I will not live without you.”
“Really? Have I no say in this?”
“Please, hear me out, give me a little time before you decide something that will seal our lives in place.”
“You’ll make me late. My husband will worry.”
“I have to leave town. I’m in the United States on business. But I can be back next week. Tell me you’ll see me then. Give me this one chance to explain it all.”
Explain. That was the word that broke down her defenses. To have this explained. To understand once and for all everything that had happened. And yes, to have it explained by the man she had loved beyond reason.
“When?” she asked.
“Tuesday. I can pick you up here or anywhere you choose. After your husband goes to work in the morning.”
“No, I work, too. But I can meet you afterward.”
“Where?”
“There’s a park not far from where I work. We can sit outside and talk.”
“Do you want to be seen?”
She hadn’t thought of that. Was she hiding from Rishi now? Rishi, who had only been kind to her, who was waiting patiently for her to learn to love him. What would he think if someone he knew saw her with Darshan? How would she explain?”
Darshan saw her confusion. “I will rent a room at the Beach Haven Motel. Can you meet me there?”
She knew the place. She and Wanda had passed it on the way to Cargo Beach. It was far enough out of town that very likely no one familiar would see her.
“I’ll meet you in the lobby,” she said. “At five. To talk, Darshan. Just to talk.”
“Of course.”
She didn’t know what to do now, what to say. She did the only thing she could think of. She turned and went inside the house, and waited for him to leave. And once he had, she wiped her eyes, because of course, in the privacy of her home, she had finally wept.
chapter twenty-seven
On Saturday morning the telephone woke Tracy, who had promised herself