Hammered (Blue Bay Crew #3)- Cathryn Fox Page 0,91
back to haunt her when she saw the pictures. That’s understandable, don’t you think? She clearly expects the worst, probably because she’s only ever been shown it.”
“When things are going good for her, she waits for bad to follow. She told me that.”
“I think I know someone else like that.”
My head rears back. “Me?”
“You fell in love, and like Haven, your old fears and insecurities rushed back to haunt you.”
I take in her narrowed eyes, the fine line marring her skin. “What do you mean?”
“You just finished telling me women want you in their bed, but not their hearts. Seems like you both let the past invade on the future.” She exhales slowly and glances away, giving me time to think. “Shame, really.”
My mind races, spins, and I watch a bird soar overhead as I absorb her words. After a long moment, I turn to Gram, and she turns to me, watching me like she’s waiting for me to have some big epiphany. I sit there and consider everything, and then suddenly, the clouds overhead clear, showcasing a blue sky as understanding dawns in small increments. My God, I’m the world’s biggest asshole. Instead of reassuring Haven that I’d never do anything to hurt her, that I wasn’t behind the pictures, I just stood there because I was afraid she didn’t love me the way I loved her and it was easier to just walk away, keep my heart safe, and go down without a goddamn fight. Haven knows me. She knows exactly who I am, and she was just as scared as I was. She told me that when things were going well, she was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. That’s because people have always let her down, and what did I do, I let her down by letting her believe the worst.
“Shit.”
“There you go,” Gram says, the minute my mind settles on the truth. Hell, she’s so happy her dense grandson finally got a clue, she’s not even calling me on my language.
“Now, answer my question,” she says. “What do you think she loved about you?”
“I…I think…everything.” I grab a fistful of hair and tug as bile punches into my throat and my pulse beats like I’d just downed a triple espresso. A garbled sound spills from my lips. “I really messed this up, didn’t I?”
“I think you both did, actually.”
“I let her say those things and didn’t even defend myself. I let her believe the worst of me. She probably hates me.”
“There’s only one way to find out, isn’t there?”
“How?”
She stands, turns toward me and puts her hands on my face. “You’re a smart boy, I have faith that you’ll figure it out.”
She saunters off, and I shake my head. Where would I ever be without my Gram, my family? A family I want Haven to be a big part of, because there is no one in the world that deserves it more than her, and goddammit, I want to be the man she can count on, and trust so deeply that if something like this ever happened again, she’d know in a heartbeat I wasn’t behind it, because I only ever have her best interests at heart. She comes first—in and out of the bedroom—and I need her to know that without a shadow of a doubt.
Gram climbs into her too-big truck and heads out the road. The second she’s out of sight, I put a plan together. I’m not sure if it will work, but I am not going down without a fight—and what I’m about to do will likely get me a good ass kicking, but I don’t care. I pull up my contacts and hit call. The phone rings three times, and then the line clicks in.
“You’ve got some fucking nerve calling me.”
“Hello to you too, Rock.”
23
Haven
I sit beside my brother on the private plane he chartered, and restlessly fiddle with the pages of the magazine on my lap. I didn’t really want to go on this trip with him. No, with my love life and my career in the toilet, all I want is to sit home and wallow in self-pity.
“How much longer?” I ask.
He checks his watch. “We should be landing in about twenty minutes.” I catch the way he’s looking at me, concern written all over his face.
“I’m fine, Rock,” I say. It’s a lie. I’m not sure I’ll ever be fine again. When I returned home, Rock was waiting for me at the airport. He didn’t