Hammered (Blue Bay Crew #3)- Cathryn Fox Page 0,90

and try to sound casual, like my insides aren’t being filleted like a lake trout.

“You didn’t suspect he lashed out from fear?”

“Not until Haven said something similar to me when I told her about the incident.” God, I have to stop saying her name, have to stop thinking about her. I’m losing my damn mind as it is.

“Look at you now. All grown up and not so tough. I think you were braver when you were ten and facing that bear.”

“Jesus, why don’t you tell me what you really think.” I never knew Gram to be cruel, but she’s not being very nice to me now.

“What are you afraid of, Tyler?”

“I’m not afraid of anything.”

“You’re a fighter. So why aren’t you fighting for her? Are you really throwing in the towel so easily? Here I thought when things got tough, you got tougher.” She purses her lips, a slow shake of her head. “Guess I was wrong.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose and let her words sink in. She drops down beside me, completely quiet, as wildlife sounds fill the void. “What if she doesn’t want what I want?” I finally say, breaking the silence between us. “What if I was never anything more than a bodyguard to her? Women have never really seen past the MMA fighter. I’ve always been a guy they wanted in their bed, but not their hearts.”

“Ah, there it is,” she says as she nods, and puts her hand over mine. I take in her gnarled, arthritic joints, the dark spots on her skin. Gram has lived a long hard life with all us boys, and my father, and even though her hands hurt her, it doesn’t stop her from knitting, baking and tending to her garden. She’s the tough one in the family. The smart one too. “Tell me about Haven.”

I exhale, as my mind races and unable to help myself, a smile touches my mouth. “Well, she doesn’t like fishing with real worms, or flies,” I say and laugh at the private joke. “She loved having a campfire with all the kids from my class.” My heart squeezes as the sound of her laughter still rattles around inside my brain. “She loves kids, and I tell you, she deserves a family of her own. People might say she doesn’t want kids. Well, she never said that. She said she didn’t want to bring them into her world and honestly, I don’t blame her. It’s cutthroat.”

“Tell me more,” Gram says.

“She’s a hard worker, one of the hardest I know. She loves learning new things, and isn’t afraid of trying anything. I really love that about her.”

“Is that what you love?”

“One of the things.”

“Tell me what else you love.”

“I love her smile, especially when she wakes up in the morning and finds me beside her.” I cringe. “Sorry, maybe that was too much information.”

“I’m old, son. I’m not dead. I know what sex is.”

I give a very uncomfortable laugh and she pats my hand, encouraging me to continue. “I love the relationship between her and her brother, and how our family all took her in, and treated her like she was one of us. She loved that too.” I swallow the lump in my throat and say, “There wasn’t a single person in the world I wanted by my side except her when I found those DVDs.”

“Sounds like you love just about everything about her. What do you think she loves about you?”

My stomach clenches so tight, I’m sure I’m going to vomit. “She accused me of some pretty awful things, Gram,” I say through clenched teeth.

“That’s not what I asked, but since you brought it up, why do you think she did that?”

I gaze out over the lake, and take in the bobbing boat. My God, we had so much fun in the water, and I’d never seen her eyes bigger than when she reeled in that trout. “I guess she’s used to seeing the worst in people. Outside of her brother, she’s never been able to count on anyone.” My heart crashes against my ribs when I add, “I wanted to be the guy she could trust and count on, you know? I tried to be that guy, but I guess she never saw me as anything more than a man who was out for his own best interests, just like every other guy in her life.”

“You were that guy she could trust and count on, but old fears and insecurities came