Half Lost (The Half Bad Trilogy #3) - Sally Green Page 0,39
orange and lighting up the grass and trees and everything, and I’m lit up as well. It’s all golden. It’s beautiful. And then I realize where I’ve seen this glow before. I turn to Gabriel.
The blow to my stomach is a surprise, though I know it shouldn’t be, and I’m aware that my body is flying up and backward and through the air. I’m still in the air when the sound of the shot reaches my ears, and another shot follows as I fall and I’m not sure if I’ve been shot once or twice as the ground rises up and forces the air out of me.
I try to take a breath but my lungs won’t do it.
I can’t breathe. And I know it’s the same as my vision. And I know I’m dying.
I concentrate on my lungs. Heal them . . . fill them with air.
Better.
Gabriel’s ripping at my shirt, saying, “You’re going to be OK. You’re going to be OK.”
I can’t breathe again. Already!
Heal my lungs again.
Better.
Breathe.
Breathe.
But my stomach’s on fire.
I try to look at my stomach but can’t lift my head. Fuck! Fuck! I move my hands to my stomach. It’s hot and wet and Gabriel pushes my hands away, saying, “Lie still, Nathan.”
“It’s hot.”
And my gut burns and burns and I know it’s a Hunter bullet and poison but worse than ever.
“It’s burning me. Get it out!”
Gabriel holds my wrists down and shouts for Celia.
I heal again. I tell Gabriel, “My healing isn’t strong enough.”
And already the burning is coming back.
I clench my fists and stare at the sky and think of something that isn’t burning.
Then when I can’t stand it anymore I heal again.
The burning goes.
“Gabriel, if I—” But the burning is back already.
I stay with it, let it build. I can heal once more maybe.
Let the burning build.
And build.
Shit!
And build.
Gabriel is looking at me.
Now heal. Relief. That’s so good.
“Gabriel. I don’t think I can do it anymore.”
“Yes, you can. Celia’s coming. She’ll get the bullet out.”
“Gabriel . . . I can’t.”
“Nathan. Don’t give up. You can do it, Nathan. Please.”
And the burning is back.
And building. Faster and hotter.
Why aren’t they coming?
It’s too hot. Too hot.
Concentrate on not screaming.
Don’t scream. Don’t scream.
Concentrate on breathing.
Count.
One.
Two.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Try to heal. Try.
Celia’s calm voice: “I’ll be quick. Keep him still. Hold his legs.”
Celia’s face. “Nathan, try to hold still. I’ve got to cut the bullet out.”
And my arms and legs are pulled down and my stomach burns hotter.
And I don’t want to scream.
“I said hold him still!”
I feel the knife in my stomach.
I don’t want to scream.
“It’s not here.”
“What? What?”
“I can’t find the bullet!”
“It’s still in there. It hasn’t gone through him.”
“I know, but I can’t find it.”
And the burning is spreading up to my chest.
Celia says, “I think it’s moving. I think the bullet is moving inside him.”
A magic fucking bullet.
And Gabriel is there telling me, “We’ll get it out. You’ll be OK.” And our eyes meet and I try to tell him that I want to stay with him but I can’t heal anymore and it’s so hot.
And I feel like there are flames burning through my stomach and chest.
And every breath is like fire inside me.
I don’t want it to hurt anymore.
And I close my eyes and Gabriel is shouting at me to open them and to heal.
I want it to stop hurting.
Celia says she’s going to try next to my heart.
And Gabriel’s shouts get fainter.
* * *
Wallend appears above me. I don’t know how he got here. Wallend, who tattooed me and tested me; he must be back to do more. He’s bent over me and I’m tied down on the ground. Wallend has a branding iron, its end heated to white. He holds it up to show me and then puts the iron to my stomach and I’m burning up, writhing as much as I can to get away from him, but the iron goes in further and deeper. And all I know is that I want to die. But I don’t tell him that. It’s my secret. I know I’ll die soon.
Hurry up and die!
Wallend has gone. Gone! I need him to kill me and I scream at him, “Kill me!”