After another long wait, he replied: What can I do for you?
Ohhh! She almost laughed.
But he was right. She’d told him they were finished before they’d even started. What was he meant to do?
She clicked out, Are you over me?
The answer zinged back: Yep
On Thursday night, having got off a flight from Berlin, Johnny automatically drove to the family home.
It was only when he parked the shitmobile outside the house that he remembered he didn’t live there any more.
He let himself in anyway. He wanted to see his kids.
Also, ever the optimist, he thought it was only a matter of time before Jessie let him back.
‘Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!’ The girls were delighted to see him.
Jessie poked her head out of the living room. She looked confused. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘I, ah …’ He shrugged. ‘Wanted to see the bunnies.’
‘You can’t just drop in with no notice. We need a schedule.’
His blood chilled in his veins. She was as implacable as she’d been last Friday night. For the first time he truly believed that she might not change her mind. Jessie was generally quick to blow up and quick to forgive. But tomorrow it would be a week since that dinner from hell.
The younger kids clamoured for bedtime stories, for him to put them to bed, so he ferried them up the stairs. He took his time, promising that he’d soon be living at home again, just that he and ‘Mum need to sort out some grown-up stuff.’
It was gone 11 p.m. when he came back down. Noiselessly, he entered the living room. Jessie was slumped in an armchair, sightlessly scrolling through her iPad. He’d been nursing a sneaky plan that he might hang around and sleep on the couch, the first stealthy foot in the door of his reinstatement.
But Jessie snapped from her torpor. ‘Time for you to be going.’
‘But … This is terrible for the kids.’
She muttered, ‘We’ll have to sort something out.’ Then she began crying again and said, ‘You ruined everything.’
‘Jessie, I’m begging you … Have I ever given you any reason to not trust me?’
‘“Lol”!’ she said. ‘Could you leave now?’
Helplessly, he did.
‘I fancy him.’ Nell addressed Garr’s ceiling. ‘That’s all. And you can’t go round having sex with everyone you fancy. Civilization would collapse – people would be riding each other in the streets.’
‘Uh-huh?’ Garr said.
‘It’s just simple physical attraction. Strong simple physical attraction in this case but I can out-think it. Like, I’m not an animal …’ She shouldn’t have said that word because now she was thinking along very animalistic lines. Words like ripping and biting and thrusting ran through her head, accompanied by erotic images of Ferdia, naked and beautiful.
‘It’s the almost-but-not-quite that’s wrecking my head. Two times, we kissed and it got very … and then we had to stop. And, Garr, that’s not healthy.’
‘So what would un-wreck your head?’
‘Finishing what we started. Just once. That might sound like bullshit, but I genuinely think it would give me closure.’
‘Could you please just go and fuck him? I can’t take much more of your angst.’
‘He said he was over me.’
‘Yeah, well. Maybe he is, or maybe the man just has some pride.’
‘So. Should I call him?’
‘No. You should get two empty bean cans and string them on a taut rope between here and his house. Or you could hire a small plane and do a leaflet drop over Foxrock. Yes, Nell, for feck’s sake, ring him. I’m going out to walk the cat. The room is yours.’
As soon as Garr was gone, she rang Ferdia. She wasn’t even sure if he’d pick up.
‘What do you want?’ he asked.
She was sweating. ‘You said you were over me.’
After several beats of silence, he sighed. ‘Nell, this is so not cool. You told me what you wanted. It’s been tough but I’ve been doing it. You’re playing games with me.’
‘I can’t be in any sort of thing until my head is sorted. But –’ and now she was so incredibly nervous ‘– could we have one night together?’