I suck in a deep breath of relief as I tidy my classroom after the kids have all left. If I can survive the first day, the rest of the year should be fine. I smile at the memory of Sebastian. He’s going to make me earn my paycheck this year. That’s for sure.
The next few weeks get a bit easier. We spend a lot of time as a family, going to the park, Gwen’s pool, the library, and the city. We play board games and watch family movies at night. And after the girls go to bed, we watch episode after episode of The Sopranos, cuddled up under the old fleece throw. It’s just like the old days, but not quite. These days, Gabe doesn’t stroke the inside of my thigh and turn off the TV for a quickie. With the exception of the lack of sex, life is pretty much just as it was before. Except Gabe is more attentive now. He treats me like a princess.
Gabe and I are still not officially back together. He stills sleeps on the sofa downstairs. We tell the girls it’s because he snores too loudly, which is true. But in fact, I usually sleep like a log, and am not bothered by the snoring. I’ve asked him if he’s okay on the sofa, and he tells me he is.
We talk about his work, about the opportunity in Phoenix which is still on the table. We talk about the logistics of moving. I’d have to leave my work, and we’d have to leave our families and our friends. But we’re not too close with our families, especially mine. And although Gabe has a lot of buddies, I only have the one friend. Gabe is so outgoing, I’m sure it wouldn’t take him too long to find himself some new friends.
Truth be told, I’m still not too keen on the idea. I don’t like change. Gabe seems to be more serious about it and something tells me it’s not just about the opportunity, about a change of pace. It’s also about Weston.
As long as we’re close to him, as long as he calls and pursues me, I’ll always be a risk of falling into his arms again. Gabe is unaware of many things; the house Weston bought for me, the two encounters we’ve had in the last few months, but he’s not an idiot. He knows Weston is still around, still longs to see me, to be part of my life.
He knows Weston is not letting go.
Gabe looks gorgeous in dark wash jeans and a plain white tee — I can’t help but ogle. He’s fiddling with the DVD remote, setting up an episode of The Sopranos. I’m wrapped up in the cozy fleece throw. I doubt we’ll be sharing it tonight, like we used to. He shoots me a smile and I smile back shyly. It’s like I’m sitting next to a beautiful stranger.
Life with Gabe back at the house has been strange. It’s all nice and proper — ‘how are you?’ and ‘I’m fine, and you?’. It’s weird as hell. We’ve lost that playfulness, that little spark that made us…us.
But on the upside, he’s been more helpful than ever with the girls and the chores.
I want to know what’s going on inside his mind. Why is he here? Has he forgiven me? Is there still a chance for us?
And I want him. I want to cuddle, to laugh, to play with him.
“Do you remember what episode we were on?” he asks, not quite looking at me. He hasn’t looked at me much lately, and it’s absolutely killing me. It’s almost like he’s afraid to, afraid to love me again.
“Twelve, I think,” I say, and I wonder if he’ll sit next to me.
He locates the episode menu and sits back on the recliner. My heart sinks. Gabe never sits on the recliner if I’m with him, but lately, that’s what he’s been doing. Things really have changed.
“Did you kiss the girls goodnight?”
He turns to look at me with a smile. “Of course.” His face stretches into a grin. “Apparently, Chloe wants a pool.”
I laugh a little. “Yes, she’s been talking my ear off about it. But to be fair, it is pretty damn hot these days.”
He smiles. “Well, you never know, this Phoenix thing…”
I perk up. “Oh, is that still on the table?” If he’s talking about us and Phoenix, maybe there’s still a chance.