grandson was fine. But I couldn’t even look her in the eye — I was so full of guilt. She probably wondered what I’d been up to. She’s probably checking the cash register right this minute.
It occurred to me on my way home that I might have officially cheated on Gabe. Is making out and dry humping against a door cheating? Most would say it is. In the past, it was always a consensual adultery — an open-marriage of sorts. But now, Gabe has no clue Weston is back in my life. He has no idea what I’ve done. The remorse is just eating me up.
I’m a cheater.
I tell myself it was just the one time — we got lost in the passion of the moment. I tell myself that we’ll never do it again. And I desperately want to believe what I tell myself.
Chloe walks past the kitchen counter, clutching three stuffed animals. “Ugh, chicken again.”
I glare at her. “Yes, chicken again.” It is a wonder I can even manage to make dinner every night in the state I find myself in.
I am so tired of all these secrets.
My mind wanders back to a few hours before…
Weston’s hands under my skirt, his hot mouth pressed against my neck…we had wanted each other so desperately. I can’t seem to forget the wrecked expression on his face when I told him he needed to leave and I did not want to discuss our relationship further. I pressed my finger to his mouth and shushed him with a heavy load of remorse in my heart. I would have liked to make him feel as amazing as he had just made me feel. But I also knew we couldn’t take things further.
Chloe and Claire are playing nicely together — some kind of pretend zoo game Chloe has dreamed up. For once, they aren’t bickering. This would be a perfect moment, if it weren’t for all I’ve done, all I bear. I’ve sinned so many times, I’ve completely given up on myself. I am a hopeless case.
I hear the door as Gabe gets home. He’s his usual happy-go-lucky self. He kisses me on the cheek and squeezes an inch on my hips. He always tells me he never wants me to lose weight because he loves squeezing that little inch. “How was your day?”
My heart sinks. How could I have done this to him?
I mix the rice noodle dish, twirling it around in the saucepan. “Eventful,” I simply say, not quite looking at him.
He cocks a brow as he grabs today’s paper. “How so?”
I tell him all about Hanna’s grandson and her unexpected visit to the emergency and my taking over the book store.
He looks up from his paper. “Was it just like the old days?” he asks with a cheeky smile.
I turn away from him, pretending to be busy stirring the noodles. On the plus side, these noodles are definitely not going to stick. I clear my throat. “Not exactly.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
His mark is all over me.
Eleven weeks. The day I’ve been waiting for, both dreading and anticipating, is almost here and I still have no idea what to do. According to my book, the baby is about two to three inches now and weighs about half an ounce. How can something so small potentially mess up so many lives?
It’s not too late to make all this go away. But I’ve already decided I wouldn’t do that. This is not just a mistake, a messy scribble to erase — this is a life, this is my child.
It’s time to tell Gabe. He needs to know.
Soon.
Claire bounces up and down on the bed. “I’m so excited,” she thrills. “I just can’t wait.” And my heart sinks, deep. We’ve planned this trip so long ago. It’s all the girls have been talking about. There’s no way we’re not going through with it.
One more week.
I’ll tell him when we get back, I decide as I tuck the girls’ bathing suits into the suitcase. My throat grows thick as I realize this is probably the last week we’ll ever have together, as a happy family. I bite back a tear as I watch Chloe diligently packing her little princess suitcase. She hums a song as she packs her favorite stuffed dog and her little glittery yellow purse, not a care in the world. She has no clue what’s about to hit her.
And for what?
For primal desires of the flesh. For a moment of weakness…okay, several moments of weakness.