Gravity (Greenford #2) - Romeo Alexander Page 0,54

is wrong, and you have been acting differently. In fact, it reminds me of when we were together in Portland.”

There was a flash of something in Samuel’s eyes. Maybe guilt? Sadness? It was there and gone too quickly for Caleb to put a name to it.

“And it feels like you’re backing away from me again. And rather than do that, I would prefer you talk to me. Let me know what’s going on.”

Sam opened his mouth, hesitated, and then closed it, once more looking away. “I know.”

Caleb waited, not sure which part of his speech Sam was responding to or if he was just speaking generally. He didn’t want to risk cursing whatever progress he might have just made by speaking. It was the first time he had ever seen Samuel openly and willingly admit there was something wrong between them while they were in the heat of the moment.

Samuel hung his head, shaking it. “Something just...feels off. Did after we were done last night and I don’t have a word for it, I don’t...know how to describe it, not really.”

“Not even a little bit?” Caleb asked, chest tightening.

Sam looked up, eyes sad. “No. Every time I try to think of what I could describe it as, I just come up with nothing, general feelings, stuff like that.”

“Okay. Well, feelings are a start, right?”

“And when they’re not all that great feelings to start with?”

Caleb swallowed hard on that one, knowing the answer but reluctant to give it. They had never truly had to face the reality of being completely done. How could they when they’d never really dealt what was wrong with them? Especially when they kept coming back to one another, their personal gravity yanking them back into place and holding them there every time they were around one another for too long.

But he knew he had to say it.

“Even then,” he said softly.

Sam shook his head again. “I just...it’s hard, you know? It’s just like last time. You’re right about that. Every time we get closer, I just feel this...part of me that yanks me back. There’s no rhyme or reason, and...it just is.”

“I’ll be honest, I don’t understand,” Caleb admitted. “How can you just...is it something I’m doing?”

“No,” Sam said simply. “It’s not like the first time, where you’re always up my ass and putting me on the defensive. Or when I was always ready to take offense at the slightest thing you said or picking a fight for stupid reasons.”

As much as Caleb wanted to be pleased that the other man was at least willing to acknowledge that both of them had their failings back in the day, he knew what was coming was just going to be another blow.

Sam sighed heavily. “But at the end of the day, it doesn’t change the fact that something pulls me back every time. I don’t know why, I love when we’re good...hell, I love you. Whether that’s like, platonic or romantic, I can’t figure it out half the time, but the fact of the matter is, I always pull back.”

The unspoken ‘and I think I always will’ hung in the air between them. Caleb wasn’t sure how to address Sam’s problem or even if there was a way to address it.

“I want to fix this,” Caleb said instead, knowing that the only way they could was if they worked together, which required Samuel’s consent.

“I don’t know if there is a way,” Samuel said softly.

“Why?”

“Because I don’t know what the problem is. Well, I mean, I know what the problem is, but I don’t know its source. I just know it exists and that it’s constantly getting in our way, and I know it’s my fault.”

Caleb quietly agreed but also knew there was more to it than just that. “It’s not as simple as saying it’s your fault, Sam. Sometimes our heads just...get away from us, and we don’t know why. I think that’s pretty normal.”

“Normal? Yeah, it’s normal. Healthy? No, this isn’t healthy. It wasn’t healthy then, and it’s not healthy now,” Sam said, staring at his clasped hands. “You shouldn’t have to deal with thinking that every time we get close, you’ll have to experience me pulling away. And I shouldn’t have to sit around, wondering what the hell is wrong with me. It makes both of us feel like shit.”

“I didn’t know it made you feel so bad,” Caleb said softly.

Sam snorted harshly. “It always made me feel like the worst person. Here’s you, trying so