You’re strong, stronger than anyone else I’ve ever met. I’m not used to havin’ an equal.” Damn, telling her truth makes me sound like the biggest asshole alive.
“Not many men know how to handle me. I’ve always been this way and I can’t change. I think that’s why I’ve never really been in a relationship,” she says as she shoves herself up the bed and leans against the headboard.
“Never?” She shakes her head. “Well shit. I’m not makin’ a good impression either, am I?” With that she laughs.
“You are. I understand your need to handle this stuff. I thought I was helping.”
“You are helpin’.”
“I’ll stop.” I shake my head and run my hand through my hair before snuffing out my cigarette.
“It’s not that. I don’t want you to change who you are.”
“I know, Grave. You don’t need to explain that to me. You want me to step back on this stuff.” She doesn’t get it and fuck me, neither do I.
“I want you by my side.” Her eyes shoot to mine as I stand from the chair, not sure what I’m doing or if it’s even the right thing to be doing. I’m confused, pissed.
“What?”
“I don’t want you to go after this is over. I want you here with me. I want you by my side.” Silla’s eyes fill with tears as she climbs off the bed and runs straight into my arms.
“I’m not good at this stuff, Grave,” she whispers into my chest.
“Apparently, I’m not either but the only killin’ I want you doin’ is whatever we need around here. There is no goin’ back, Silla.” She pulls back and looks up at me before smiling.
“A home.”
“What?”
“A home. You’re giving me a home. A place I belong. For so many years my dad just used me to his advantage but you, you’re different. You’re giving me a home, Grave. I’ve never had one.” Her words wrap around my heart and hold tightly. I lean down and kiss her roughly, showing her who she belongs to. She wants a home; I’ll make this club her home. I’ll give her whatever the fuck she wants, as long as she keeps kissing me like this. When she finally pulls away, she gazes up at me.
“I need to talk to Psycho.”
“The fuck you do.”
“I mean it. We need to be on good terms, and I don’t feel like we are.”
“And Preacher and Freak?” I raise an eyebrow.
“We had a chat last night you ran off. We’re all good.”
“Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me?” She shakes her head and smiles.
“No. They were all willing to accept me as their boss bitch.” Laughter erupts out of me as she presses a kiss to my chest.
“Fine. You can talk to him, but I’ll tell you this, he said you’re good for me,” I tell her.
“He did? Obviously, he’s smarter than we thought,” she laughs.
“Psycho is a lot of things. Smart is one of them. His IQ was sky fuckin’ high back in the day. Life gets him down and kicks him a lot. I hate seein’ him like that.”
“I wasn’t kidding about the doctor. We can get him back on his medicine. It’s just going to take some time to work around my dad.”
“I know, babe. I appreciate that too. With Reggie dead, I need to find a new doc for around here, anyway. One who can keep up with Psycho and his meds,” I tell her.
“We will.”
“We. I like that, Silla. I like that a lot.”
“Me too. Thanks for caring, Grave.”
“Carin’ is the easy part. It’s lovin’ you that’s gonna be hard as hell,” I tease her. Her head snaps back so she can look up at me, tears filling those big brown eyes once more. I reach up and brush her hair over her shoulders.
“You…”
“I’m feelin’ it, darlin’. I don’t know what to do with it. If I’m honest here, I’ve never loved anyone aside from my mom and this club. You are workin’ your way in though and I’m not sure how to handle that,” I admit to her.
“I think you just handled it perfectly. Communication, Grave. Just tell me what you feel, what you think. That’s all I need,” she says, wiping at her eyes.
“That’s all, huh?” I pull her closer and thrust my hips into her. She laughs and damn, I love her laugh.
Chapter Twenty-One
I crack my neck from side to side as I watch Preacher in the ring. It’s a Saturday night and we are hosting a fight night so to