it would satisfy my yearning. But no. It is true that over time this cause has become a firm conviction and the achievement to which I have dedicated great efforts, but . . . I have known the world, I have learned that there is no such thing as perfection in the world. The longings of my own heart have often disappointed me. What I thought to be gold turned out, in the end, to be nothing but mud.”
“Gut, Fräulein. But in these notes of hers is there anything that might be of interest to the police? Our next visitor is now in the waiting room.”
“This strikes me as of interest: ‘What I long for is love, a true love, not for one single person, but rather for everybody, for all humanity, a love that asks for nothing in return, a love that would improve me, that would bring me closer to truth. This is my objective. This gives me strength. What would I be without this love? Yet the world will not flatter me for this; the world would see me damned for that which I consider to be my finest and most beautiful quality; that which is natural is held to be sinful. Those who do not run with the herd to the feeding trough are crucified; sooner or later they become martyrs. But it is better to be a martyr than a good-for-nothing who doesn’t even know why she’s alive.’”
“Before we finish, Fräulein Zaleski, is there anything this dangerous, emancipated woman has written that represents a threat to our Austrian fatherland?”
“I believe so . . . just a moment . . . yes, here. She writes the following to her husband: ‘What I really desire for both you and me is to do with pleasure everything that has to be done with pleasure, and not simply because we are obliged to do it. Goethe says, Wat ist Pflicht? What is an obligation? An obligation is that which one imposes on oneself as a duty. But one can’t do everything to order! Men ought to forget their conviction that they are the masters and to treat the women they respect as if they were their lovers. They should show their feelings more and behave with less vulgarity.’ Do you not think these are most dangerous opinions, sir?”
“You will have to carry out a far more detailed investigation into this woman. Write me a report on Němcová’s entire life. We need to know who has been such a bad influence on her, which other people we need to go after. I want a thoroughly detailed biography of Mrs. Němcová. Is that clear, Fräulein Zaleski? Keep in touch with her. Don’t let her out of your sight for a second. Auf Wiedersehen, Fräulein.”
Unnerved, she slept fitfully that night. Her dreams were flooded with the purple of a Bengal light, snake charmers, rat catchers, and legendary paladins with the heads of dragons under their arms, appeared then vanished. She woke up feeling hot, until she got undressed so as to feel the pleasure of the sheets against her naked body.
The following day she would begin the medical treatment. She got up early in the morning to write. The words didn’t flow from her pen; she was distracted and allowed herself to be carried away by the confusion of images that each disappeared as soon as it appeared before her eyes. Then she decided she’d do some shopping. What a strange shape the bread has today, like a river stone, as if you have only to wet it for it to shine. And while the druggist filled a paper cone with a pound of sugar, she watched the fine sand and felt like sinking deep into that sweet white dune.
“No, don’t send in the next one, not yet. I’ll tell you when, Fritz. Inform this visitor that the prefect is busy carrying out some unexpected, important tasks.”
I had realized that to get Němcová, we needed a female informer. I told this to my superior, Kempen, but at the time he couldn’t make his mind up whether to do so. But he changed his attitude when I explained the matter to him in detail.
To the attention of the head of the Vienna Prefecture, Johann Kempen, from the head of the Prague Prefecture, Anton von Päumann.
Subject: Vítězka Paul, informer
December 31, 1954
Your Excellency,
As women since time immemorial have had a considerable influence in political matters, I consider it a serious failure on the part of