of me was jumping up and down and screaming “don’t be such a baby!” It was, after all, just a kiss.
But I couldn’t help remembering Kimber’s warnings. Ethan was a player, and no matter how hot he was, I didn’t want to be his toy.
“I don’t think this is a good idea,” I said, and I tried to slide off his lap.
I wasn’t completely shocked when his hold on me tightened. “You don’t have to be afraid of me,” he said.
It was another good line. Striking at my vanity, daring me to prove I wasn’t afraid. But it was much too obviously a line, and I wasn’t about to fall for it.
“Let go of me.” I said it calmly, though there was a hint of panic in my core. If he wanted to press the issue, I’d be in no position to stop him. So I guess technically, yeah, I was a bit afraid of him.
I was all tensed up for battle, so I was pleasantly surprised when Ethan slid me off his lap and put some distance between us. He didn’t even look annoyed with me.
“Better?” he asked, with one of his lopsided grins.
I doubted he was used to being turned down by anyone, but it sure seemed like he was taking it in stride. Which made me feel guilty for being so suspicious. If he were really playing me, surely he wouldn’t have let me go so easily.
I let out a frustrated huff. Maybe he was right that I should stop thinking so much. But I didn’t know how to turn it off. I clasped my hands in my lap and stared at them, wondering what was wrong with me. When a guy like Ethan kissed me, I should turn into a puddle of goo, not analyze it half to death. Maybe I was frigid.
“Don’t look so miserable,” Ethan said. “You’re allowed to say no.”
I risked a glance at him, and still saw no sign of annoyance or frustration on his face.
Then—totally against my will, I swear—my eyes darted downward, and I could see that, while he wasn’t acting angry or anything, he was still real eager for my no to change to a yes. Naturally, I looked away quickly, but my face heated with yet another blush.
In one of her sober moments, when my mom had insisted we have “the talk” despite the fact that I’d known about the birds and the bees practically forever, she’d warned me that boys like to claim they are in dire pain when they are that excited and you don’t put out. Since I was sure Ethan had noticed the direction of my gaze, and he’d have to be blind not to see how hard I was blushing, I thought now would be the perfect time for him to start laying on a guilt trip. But he didn’t.
Ethan laughed, but it was a warm, friendly sound with no hint of mockery in it. “It won’t kill me,” he said. “And remember, I promised I wasn’t going to take advantage of you. I keep my promises. All I wanted was to kiss you.”
“Really?” I asked, and I’m sure I sounded as incredulous as I felt. I glanced at him through my eyelashes.
“Why would you find that so hard to believe?”
“Well, uh. You’re … uh, older than me. And, uh…” Oh God, please kill me now. I didn’t want to be having this conversation, and I surely didn’t want to be making such a fool of myself. But my brain hadn’t recovered from its earlier shutdown, and I couldn’t seem to get a coherent sentence out of my mouth.
Ethan put me out of my misery by saying what I’d been too prudish to say. “Just because I’m not a virgin doesn’t mean kissing has become only a means to an end. Believe it or not, I actually find it’s nice all by itself.” He gave me one of those sexy, quirky grins of his, and it made my insides flutter.
“So all you want is a kiss?” I asked. A little voice in my head said I was heading for one of those slippery slopes. I told the little voice to shut up.
“Well, maybe more than one. But basically, yeah.”
Still, I hesitated.
“Look,” he said, “if I try to push you to do something you don’t want, you’ll balk, and then you’ll never trust me again. I’m not going to risk that.”
My shoulders sagged a bit. It got real tiring, being on the defensive all