wasn’t off base.
As I watered the beds, my thoughts swirled in brackish eddies like the water running through the dirt at my feet. Time. I needed time to sort through it all, to take stock and reconvene when I would be objective—a trait which I generally embraced. But not when it came to my heart. Not when it came to Lila.
With her, all bets were off.
29
All Hail the Dumbassador
KASH
Dusk had fallen, painting the greenhouse in golden pinks and blues as the winter sun inched toward the horizon. It was still, quiet, the shop far away from my solitude. Dad had gone up hours ago, leaving me to withdraw in peace. As peaceful as my mind was at least, which was not very.
My hands stayed busy. Stupidly, I’d thought going to my greenhouse on the roof would cheer me, but instead I found traces of her. I found them everywhere I looked—in the potted plants she’d admired, the lilies that were on the verge of opening up to show me if I’d successfully bred them. Even in the main greenhouse, even old Brutus. The black-eyed Susans where she’d fallen what felt like a lifetime ago. The table where I’d shown her how to plant ivy.
She was everywhere, in the air, under my skin, living in my heart. But every thought was tainted with a fear, the see-saw once again in motion. And this time, I didn’t have a truth to hold on to beyond that I loved her, I feared her, and I desperately needed to talk to her.
In my most relieving imaginings, she explained everything away with words I couldn’t deny. In the most terrifying, she told me all my fears were warranted. In all of them, I had a resolution. But only a few ended happily.
I was lost in that thought when the door to the greenhouse opened hard enough to slap the wall. When I looked up, I didn’t know who I expected to find. But it wasn’t Ivy Parker with hell on her heels and an infant strapped to her chest.
She flew toward me with her face screwed up in fury. “Hey, stupid.”
One of my brows rose. I glanced behind me in an attempt at a joke.
It didn’t land.
“You dumb, stupid son of a bitch,” she said, trucking to me. “I cannot believe you. I’d expect this from Luke or Marcus, but I never thought you’d be so goddamn brainless.”
At that, I frowned. “What are you talking about?”
“See? That. Cretin. What do you think I’m talking about?”
“Lila,” I chanced.
“Lila,” she said in a dumb boy voice. “Yes, Lila, you dirtbag.” She screeched to a halt in front of me, red-faced. The bundle snuggled to her chest wiggled, and a tiny fist popped out of its confines before disappearing again. “You didn’t even listen. You didn’t even hear her out, you simpleminded moron.”
“That’s a little redundant.”
She pointed her skinny finger in my face. “Don’t you backtalk me, Kash Bennet. I’d expect Luke to jump to conclusions. I’d expect Marcus to chase paranoid delusions. But I thought you’d give her a chance.”
“Ivy, could you stop insulting me for long enough to tell me what’s going on?”
“I’m sorry,” she yelled, poking me in the chest. “I’m just really, really mad at you!” Every really earned me another poke. “She quit her job, you witless jerk.”
A jolt of adrenaline cooled my palms, dampening them. “What?”
“She. Quit. Her. Job.” She poked her punctuation hard enough to leave a bruise. “But you were too much of a dumdum to listen, and she was too proud to tell you, especially if you thought it was to change your mind. She quit her job, told Caroline Archer to go to hell, and refused to do their stupid, idiotic show. And you know why?” She didn’t wait for me to answer. “Because she loves you, ding-dong. She loves your stupid, thick head— God knows why.”
“Oh my God,” I breathed, dropping to a stool.
“All that with Addison, the wedding—all she ever did was try to protect you from those monsters, and all you did was punish her. You don’t even deserve her,” she shot, amending, “Okay, that’s a lie, you do, but God, you are so dumb! Her whole life—her whole goddamn life—everything she’s worked for, she threw it away. And you know why? Because she chose you. She chose herself. You wanted proof she really wanted this life? Well, you were about to get it until you berated her. And then you let her walk away