The Ghost In My Bedroom - By Heather Jones Page 0,94

altogether. Now she looked shaken and terrified. Terrified? Wait a minute.

My family stood along the side to greet people after they had paid their respects to me. Tons of people showed up, all my friends from school, Jane and Tina from the fabric store, all of my relatives no matter how distant, and of course Ling, Alex, Kate and George. I guess Danny had better things to do. No sign of Julian either.

I stood by my coffin to listen in, some people would talk to me like I was there, some would talk about me to the people they were with. Some would recount fond memories; some would confess some secret to me that no one else knew. It was interesting to hear what people had to say to a dead girl. All the while I watched Natalie for a clue, if she could see me. Finally, at one point our eyes caught each other's gaze and held for a moment. She looked away, clearly disturbed. I walked up to her.

"Nat can you see me?"

She was talking to one of our cousins and purposely not looking at me.

"Natalie?"

She lost track of whatever she was saying and started trembling.

"Nat? It's just me. Please don't be afraid."

I had brought Nat to tears now. My cousin patted her on the shoulder mistaking her tears for sadness.

I crossed my arms and stared her down for a minute and let her cry. Christ, why is she afraid of me? There is nothing to be afraid of. She hugged our cousin for dear life and buried her face into his shoulder. I inched my way closer to them and I just couldn't help myself. When she looked up my face was right there in front of hers.

"Boo."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Chapter 22
"So basically, you ruined your own funeral?"

I had just finished telling Ryan the details of the day. After my little incident with Natalie, my dad drug her out of the room as she screamed bloody murder, my mom clung to Stazi in tears, and everyone seemed to be in a little bit of a tizzy as to what was up with my sister.

"I wouldn't say ruined it, exactly, but it definitely took a turn in a different direction. I think once Natalie was gone, people started whispering about her, and sort of forgot about me for the moment..."

Until I was packed up and sent to my final resting place in a fancy black hearse. Natalie didn't make it to the gravesite. I'm sorry I took away her last chance to say good-bye, but I somehow suspect it's not really our last goodbye anyway. The girl has to come home sooner or later right? My parents and Stazi sat up at the coffin head in chairs set up around the big hole. The minister said his service, everyone cried a lot, and Jon would not stop staring at me the whole time. After the minister was done with his whole "I walk through the valley of darkness..." spiel, everyone laid flowers on my coffin, said their goodbyes and one by one, they left me.

Jon stood and waited, his eyes wandering between my coffin and me. I watched my mother come up to him and give him a little hug. "You know Jon, Lucy never really talked about her feelings with me very much, but I can tell that she was really in love with you. I hope you won't be a stranger." I guess I never got a chance to tell mom about our breakup, seeing as how I died immediately after it.

"Thanks, Mrs. Warner. That means a lot to me. "

She squeezed his arm goodbye and turned to face the coffin. She bent down and whispered to it so quietly I had to lean over with her to hear what she was saying. "Sleep well my angel. I will always love you." My father came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. Stazi joined in for the family hug.

"I will always love you too," I answered, trying to get in the hug but my arms not making contact. "But don't worry, I'll still be around."

Stazi got a chill up her spine as she stepped away into me. "Uh, got a chill," she said wrapping her arms around herself as I stepped back out of her. She felt so warm. I was beginning to understand why Ryan hung around me all those years. It was just comforting to be so close to the living.

Jon had stood aside to let my family pay their last respects in private, but I saw him smirking at me as I stepped away from Stazi.

"Jon, are you coming to the restaurant for lunch?" Stazi asked. "Everyone is invited."

"Yeah, I guess so. I just really want to have a moment alone with her though. If it's all right with all of you."

Stazi came over and gave him a hug. "I still have your guitar. I can give it back though. I mean, I think I was playing it more then Lucy was, but it's yours, I was getting good at it too, I knew a few songs, and she's just gone..." she burst into tears again at the end of her rambling. Jon gave her another hug out of not knowing what else to do.

"Why don't you just hold onto it for now. I think Lucy would have wanted you to learn how to play it. Especially Cure songs. In her room. She would have liked that."

I flinched at the memory of her last recital, did he really just have to tell her that?

"Really? Are you sure? Well if you ever need it back..."

"I know where to find you. Don't worry about it."

"Come on Anastasia, we've got lunch to get to."

"Coming mom. Thanks Jon, thank you so much. I will take such good care of it and I promise I will practice every day."

"Go on then," he said shooing her off. Once they were all piled into the car and driving away we were the last ones left. He turned to me and stared. I stared back. We stared like that for a while. I was determined to make him start this time though. Finally he said, "You didn't let me finish before. I came to say good-bye. But I'm really just not ready to."

"You don't have to."

"So what happens now? We can't just keep going on as we were. But I don't want to let you go either."

After a long pause I asked, "So where does that leave us?"

He shook his head. "I don't know. Why don't we just say, we won't say goodbye for now."

"I can live with that. Or not live with that. Or die with that. I'm not entirely sure. It sounds okay though."

"Well, until next time."

"Yeah, see you around."

"Right." He hesitated a little, then nodded his head at me and turned to leave. I watched him go, waiting to see if he would turn around, but he just kept walking straight on to that crap car with Spencer waiting in the passenger seat. He did turn and look back just once before he got in the car.

I wasn't alone for long once they drove away, the men with the shovels came and that I decided was more then I could bear. I reappeared inside my bedroom before the coffin was lowered. I don't know how it happened; all of a sudden I was just there, sobbing, yet again. That was when Ryan asked how it went, and I told him all about it. Except for that last part with Jon. That was just for me.

"Well, I'm glad you went. I think you would have been very upset with yourself later if you had just stayed here."

"Yeah, I would have missed a lot." He reached his arms out and took me into a big hug, he held me so tight, and it was all I had wanted for years. But now with Ryan standing in front of me, as real as can be, I was more confused than ever. Here is the boy I've been in love with for so long, but Jon could still see me. I held Ryan back because I could. He wasn't warm. He was solid but he wasn't alive. I wasn't alive.

"Alone together, in our room, forever," he whispered.