me in bewilderment.
“Did I just hear a scream?”
“Yup.”
“Where’d it come from?”
“Outside.”
“Oh, good. I was thinkin’ it mighta come from me.”
Leaving the snakes behind, we hurried outside, joining the curiosity seekers who were running toward the far end of the building. We rounded a corner that said TOILETS and entered a caged area to find three adult kangaroos parked like area rugs in front of the restroom doors.
“I thought they were animal pelts.” Helen Teig’s voice quavered as she clutched her throat. “And then they moved! How come they’re not in cages? Dick, shoo them away so I can use the potty.”
Dick aimed his camera and started shooting. “Reach down and pet him, Helen. I think I’m looking at this year’s Christmas card photo. That’s it. Work it, momma!” His finely tailored Italian trousers were tucked into thigh-high boots with silver toe guards, rhinestone snakes, and chunky acrylic heels that made him only slightly taller than he was wide.
“Hunh. I never would have taken Dick for a rhinestone kind of guy.”
“It was either rhinestones or sequins,” Nana explained, “so we decided that rhinestones was less sissified. But it was a real close vote. Six to five.”
We left the restroom facilities behind us and walked toward the picnic tables at the opposite end of the gift shop, where a young man in regulation shirt and shorts stood beside a freestanding clock whose hands indicated the next tour would begin at eleven, which was about a minute from now. “All the kangaroos in the park are free-ranging Rid Kangaroos imported from Kangaroo Island,” he said conversationally, sweeping a hand toward the giant, jackrabbit-like creatures who lounged on the broad lawn behind him. The area was enclosed by a rail fence and bordered by paved footpaths that were colonized by families of waddling ducks and hungry pigeons. “They’re known in Latin as macropus rufus. Macropus, meaning long-foot, and rufus, meaning rid, though they’re actually rid-brown in color. Males can reach a height of one and a half meters and can weigh as much as eighty-five kilos. That would be four and a half feet tall and one hundred eighty-seven pounds to you Yanks.”
In other words, they were built like Nana only with a really long tail.
“There you are, ladies,” said Tilly.
Nana stuck out her right hand. “Tell me the truth, Til, if you was me, would you spend two grand to lose the liver spots and have younger-lookin’ skin?”
Tilly tapped the back of Nana’s hand. “Bat guano and monkey urine. An old Pygmy preparation. Much cheaper.”
“G’day, ladies and gintlemen, and wilcome to Ballarat Wildlife Park. My name is Graham, and I’ll be your guide today throughout our sixteen hectares of bushland. Australia is home to wildlife found nowhere ilse in the world and it will be my pleasure to introduce you to mini of our native species: koalas, echidnas, wombats, goannas, Tasmanian divils, quokkas…”
As he continued his litany, I inched away from the crowd to do a quick head count. All my Iowans were here except for the Teigs, who would probably catch up once Dick filled his memory cartridge with holiday pinups of Helen in her muumuu and leather boots. Duncan and Etienne were posing for Guy Madelyn with a group of young kangaroos; Bernice was making a purchase at the coffee shop window; and Jake Silverthorn was off by himself, studying a corner of the gift shop’s overhanging roof.
“We’ll ind our tour in the riptile house, where you’ll come face-to-face with poisonous dith adders, tiger snakes, and man-eating saltwater crocs,” Graham said dramatically.
“Hey!” Bernice shook a small paper sack at Dick Stolee. “Get this on your camcorder. I bet the folks at Channel Six can use it on the ‘Senior Doings’ segment of their noon show.” She dipped her hand into the sack and held out a palmful of feed to a furry little marsupial with a face like Bambi.
Dick sprinted into position. “This is Bernice, feeding a kangaroo.”
“Get right profile shots,” she instructed him, as a second kangaroo joined the first. “It’s my best side.”
“If you’ll follow me.” Graham raised his arm and pointed left. “Our first stop will be around the first bend in the footpath.”
As tour guests trailed dutifully behind him, three larger kangaroos loped toward Bernice, crowding around her legs and stretching to their full height to reach her paper sack. “Shoo! Go ’way.” She angled the sack over her head to protect it, but the ’roos were smart enough to recognize the mother lode when they saw