happened last time you went that route?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Gertie mumbled.
I opened one eye. “This I have to hear.”
“Gertie had a hot date with the new widower in town,” Ida Belle said. “His wife’s body wasn’t even cold before the casserole queens lined up to get a shot at him, but that’s small-town living for you.”
“He had all of his teeth and hair,” Gertie said. “What did you expect?”
“Pension plan?” I asked.
“No one’s perfect,” Gertie said.
Ida Belle grinned. “So someone thinks she’s going to take a water pill and squeeze into a skirt she bought back when JFK was still alive.”
“It lifted my butt,” Gertie said.
“It squeezed your butt so tight it scared gravity,” Ida Belle said. “Anyway, Gertie took the water pill, thinking she had a few days before the wife kicked it, but she went early. So she grabs her casserole and heads over there the next day, then promptly runs past the eligible widower and straight into his bathroom…and didn’t leave until the next day.”
I grinned. “I hope you had enough toilet paper.”
Gertie grimaced. “There was only half a roll and the bathroom wasn’t even clean. Who has a death in the household and doesn’t think to clean their guest bathroom?”
Ida Belle chuckled. “It was a narrow miss—not catching the guy with all his teeth and a dirty bathroom.”
“It was clean when I left,” Gertie said. “I asked for Comet and a scrub brush. I could reach the sink and the tub from where I was sitting.”
I laughed. “Oh my God! I wonder what he was thinking when you asked for cleaning supplies.”
“Probably thinking about what his house would sell for,” Ida Belle said. “He listed it the day after he got Gertie out of there.”
“I’m sure he got more for it since I cleaned his bathroom,” Gertie groused. “Anyway, that was a fluke.”
“Oh Lord,” I said. “Another fluke. What does that make, like ten million flukes in your lifetime?”
“Keep laughing,” Gertie said. “But one day, Carter will have less hair and teeth and you’ll be lucky if he ever leaves the seat down.”
“Less hair and teeth I can deal with,” I said. “But he knows I’ll shoot him if I fall in the toilet in the middle of the night.”
“Threat of death is a good motivator,” Ida Belle said. “I’ll have to remember that for when Walter thinks he’s going to impose man stuff in my space.”
“So is Walter moving into your house?” I asked.
Ida Belle had never been one to talk at length about her personal life, but she’d been even quieter than usual when it came to her and Walter’s future, especially their living arrangements.
“We haven’t really decided,” she said. “But I’m making a note of things. I like to be prepared.”
“You’re getting married next Saturday,” Gertie said. “How can you not know where you’ll be living after that?”
“I know where I’ll be living,” Ida Belle said. “It’s Walter who’s unsure.”
“Is he unsure because he doesn’t want to leave his house or because he’s not sure if he’ll be shot for moving a toothbrush into yours?” Gertie asked.
“Don’t be silly,” I said. “There’s plenty of room for Walter’s bathroom essentials and his clothes. Not like Ida Belle is girling it up in either of those areas. The question is whether he gets any garage or freezer space.”
Ida Belle nodded. “So you see my dilemma.”
“I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” I said. “Maybe you should add on to the garage. Or just keep extra frozen goods at the General Store. He’s got tons of freezer space.”
Ida Belle threw her hands in the air. “Which is exactly what I keep telling him. But then he’s all like ‘this law’ and ‘that inspection’ and you just can’t reason with the man.”
“I think you should build a guesthouse in the backyard,” Gertie said. “At least then he’d have a place to go when he’s tired of everything being your way.”
“He already has a place to go,” Ida Belle said. “His house.”
Gertie shook her head in dismay, then looked at me. “Please tell me you aren’t going to make Carter live in his own home when you two tie the knot.”
I held my hands up. “Whoa! I’m not even to the point where marriage is a passing thought. No way am I having a conversation about it.”
“Is Carter aware that he’s not a passing thought?” Gertie asked.
“I think about Carter all the time,” I said. “I just don’t think about marrying Carter.”
Gertie gave me a