You’ve been broody for weeks,” Jack said.
“Since when do we do girl talk?”
“Since your sister told me to get on it.”
“And you do everything my sister says?”
“Fuck yeah, I do.”
“Pussy-whipped,” Slade grumbled.
“So, you can tell me what’s going on, or I can tell you all the reasons why I love being pussy-whipped by Chrissy. But I gotta warn you, it has to do with pussy.”
“No. No. Please.” Slade rolled his eyes in disgust. He hit the bag a few more times before he began to talk. “We’d been doing so well. Like, fucking great. I mean, this girl is, well…I…anyway…So, she’s really leaving. I thought it was just a bluff. You know how women say they’re doing something just to make you grovel or feel guilty? But man, she’s really leaving. Just because of one argument. Granted, it was a big-ass motherfucking argument about Frances. Jessica has issues with Francesca and I didn’t handle it right. But, in my defense, her issues with Francesca are ridiculous. Anyway, she got crazy jealous. And just about then, this other chick showed up and started talking about having sex with me.”
“Well, to begin with, every woman has issues with Francesca. Have you seen her? She’s like a walking wet dream.”
Slade punched him on the shoulder. “Bro, aren’t you engaged to my sister?”
“I love your sister. I adore her. I’d never cheat on her. No one compares to her. But shit, man, I’m not blind. For that matter, neither is she—every time fucking Travis comes around, I swear to God, man, Chrissy starts grinning and stuttering. Anyway, like I said, everyone has issues with Francesca. And then, to top it off, you have all these groupies hanging around. No wonder the chick split.”
“I thought you were on my side! And they’re not groupies,” he protested. “They were just fun diversions, but once Jessica came around, it was all over with them. Anyway, I said some things I shouldn’t have, but everyone argues, right? This relationship stuff is all new to me. It’s a fucking pain in my ass. Now she tells me she’s moving back to Charlotte and just wants to be friends. But fuck that. I’m not giving up. My new plan is to play it cool. Let her see what she’s missing. Even though I only have a few days to win her over,” he said a little dejectedly.
“Let me know how that works out for ya,” Jack said with a chuckle.
“Women are fucking crazy. Why can’t she just—”
“Screw your brains out?” Jack finished his sentence.
“I was going to say get over it. But yeah, that seems like a great plan. Shit, man, good sex would make me forgive pretty much anything.”
“Well, I’ll share a secret with you, brother. Women don’t work that way. They’re huge pains in the ass. They want to talk about their feelings. They want you to know what they want before they themselves even know what they want. But if it’s the right woman—you do it. You do it happily because the payoff is well worth it. Fuck, I’m about to inherit a litter of goddamn puppies. I hate puppies, man, but for your sister, I’d probably go to the pound and get all the fucking dogs they have if I thought it’d make her happy.”
“When did you become the relationship Yoda? This conversation is getting weird.”
“Tomorrow I’ll braid your hair and buy you a tampon.”
They both laughed and continued their assault on the punching bag.
—
“For fuck’s sake, Texas, stop eating.” Jack snatched a biscuit from Travis’s hand. “Chrissy’s going to flip out if she sees you’ve eaten everything before the steaks are ready.” Jack gestured toward the grill.
With a mouth full of biscuits, Travis replied, “But they’re fucking delicious. And I’m so hungry, my belly thinks my throat’s been cut. No need to have a hissy fit.”
Slade chuckled. “You better swallow that and hide the evidence, brother. My sister is going to be seriously pissed.”
“Oh, please!” Travis scoffed. “Your sister loves me. She can’t keep her eyes off me.” Travis’s eyebrows waggled suggestively.
Jack reached over with the hand not occupied with a spatula and slapped the back of Travis’s head.
“Jesus Christ!” Travis said, rubbing the sore spot.
“I’m going to kick your ass if you keep talking about my wife that way.”
“She’s not your wife yet,” Travis said with a smirk.
Just then Chrissy walked out to the yard with a big bowl covered in tinfoil. She smiled, pecked Slade and Travis on the cheek, then planted an