he was pulling up a memory. “After you gave me a hard time for my stupid pickup tactic, I tried to buy you a drink. You said all you wanted was a new napkin. So I got you one, and I folded it into an origami swan. That really pissed you off.”
I snorted. The damn origami swan. I still had it, though I’d never admit it. “I was pretty salty that day. I had no patience for desperate acts of origami.”
He chuckled. “You told me if I could beat you at thumb war I could have your number.”
Yeah. I hadn’t seen that win coming. I’d never been bested. He had surprisingly agile thumbs.
I remembered how my heart had fluttered when our hands had touched. I’d been immediately attracted to him. The chemistry was instantaneous.
He shook his head. “I’d never met a woman like you before. You told me to go to hell and made me look forward to the trip.”
He scooted his chair around so he was sitting catty-corner to me. Our knees touched, and a small thrill ran through me.
How close I had come to living with this man. To sharing my life with him. It could have been him sleeping in the bed next to me instead of Josh, my cuddly teddy bear.
Tyler’s piercing eyes seemed to reach into my soul, and I couldn’t look away.
“I couldn’t throw my career away, Kris. I worked too hard to get to where I am. They dangled an opportunity in front of me, I panicked, and I did something stupid, and I’ve regretted it every day since.”
He let out a shaky breath. “The morning after I left you that message, I woke up and I felt like I’d buried myself alive. I tried to call you right away and…” He shook his head. “This silence has been like a siege. I’ve been so desperate to get to you I almost went AWOL. You have no idea how hard it’s been. I’ve been out of my damn mind.”
He reached for my hand again. His expression was so raw I thought it might break him if I jerked away, so I reluctantly let him take it. His touch sent an unexpected jolt through me. A shiver of memory.
He looked down at our hands as he threaded his fingers in mine. My heart began to pound.
I remember you.
Tyler came flooding back to me like his touch broke a forget spell.
I knew this man. I knew the way he smelled and tasted. I could recognize his moods in a single word. I remembered the look in his eyes when we made love and the smile on his face in the morning when we’d lay in bed talking, sharing a pillow. I recalled the pain of kissing him goodbye at the airport and the emptiness when he left.
I remember.
He looked at our hands like it hurt him to touch me. His eyes moved back up to mine. “It’s been a sucking void, Kris. Like some black hole that keeps getting wider and wider. You’re the thing that I look forward to. The reprieve in the middle of whatever bullshit I’m dealing with. I have conversations with you in my head. I store things up to tell you. For the last two years, I’ve been on a countdown of nothing but you, living my life in the days between our talks and my leave.”
He paused and studied my face. He was painted in regret and sadness.
“I messed up,” he breathed. “I should have never done it. I should have just come home.”
I let out a long breath. “And then you would have just resented me.”
Fuck, was there no scenario in which a man could just be with me without having to give up on the one thing he wants for himself?
At the rate I was going, the only way I’d end up with someone for the rest of my life was if I choked on some queso and died on a first date.
Our food came, and we ate in silence. I stared at my plate, and he stared at me. When the dishes were cleared, my anger had officially run out. I replaced it with guilt.
“Tyler…”
He looked at me, his eyes hopeful at the change in my tone.
“I am in love with him. I think I’ve been in love with him from the day I met him.”
I didn’t see the need to lie to him. If he was going to be tortured over his choice, I didn’t