with you. It was never that. This just wasn’t the life I wanted, Kris. The military is all I’ve ever known.”
“Fine.” I crossed my arms. “So you’re doing what you want, as usual. You made your choice. You did it without including me. Why am I here?”
“Don’t you even miss me?”
The question hit me in the heart. His eyes begged me. Begged me to miss him.
Not really. Not until I saw you and I let you out of your storage room. Now I’m confused…
…Josh.
An urge to talk him out of wanting me took hold.
“You know, it’s for the better anyway,” I said, tossing a hand. “Because I’m not even myself around you. You would have hated living with me once you really got to know me.”
He just looked at me, his eyes going soft like he knew what I was doing and thought it was cute.
“Okay, you don’t believe me? This place—” I threw a hand up at the restaurant. “I don’t like eating at places like this. What the fuck is squid ink pasta? I go to places like this with you because you like it and you only get to choose where you eat, like, fifteen days out of the year.”
I put a hand to my chest. “I am very opinionated about where I want to eat. You don’t even know that. That is a core part of who I am as a person, and you have never seen that side of me, Tyler.”
The corner of his mouth came up into a small, amused smile.
“This is not funny. I’m being totally serious. I get very easily annoyed. I’m impatient and moody. I hate almost everyone. We don’t even really know each other. All you’ve ever seen is me at my best, being agreeable and wearing makeup. That is not the real me.”
Josh knows the real me.
I went on. “You reenlisted. It’s done, and my position on another deployment hasn’t changed. I’m not doing it. We are not getting back together. So I appreciate the explanation and the face-to-face. But none of this changes anything.”
He leaned onto the table with his forearms and spoke directly to my eyes. “I love you.”
My heart clenched.
I’d heard the words on the phone a hundred times. He’d written them in letters. But it had been almost a year since he’d looked me in the eye and said it to my face. And now that he did, there was no question that he meant it.
He waited, but I didn’t say it back. I wasn’t sure if I loved him.
I wasn’t sure that I didn’t.
Someone dropped off some weird salads while Tyler and I stared at each other tensely across the table. The green menagerie smelled faintly like seaweed, and I actually felt a little nauseous looking at it. The only thing I recognized on the plate was a cherry tomato, and even that was yellow instead of red. I pushed the plate away and crossed my arms, scowling.
I wanted to put out the stupid romantic candle flickering between us. I grabbed the glass votive and dumped my water into it, and Tyler wrinkled his forehead at me like I’d gone insane.
“What do you want from me?” I asked. “Closure? Forgiveness?” I picked up the sloshing votive and moved it next to the salt and pepper shakers.
His gorgeous green eyes canvassed my face. “Do you remember the day we met?”
I scoffed. “Of course. You were so lame. How could I forget?”
He smiled. “You’d convinced the piano player in that bar to let you play. It was incredible. I couldn’t take my eyes off you.”
The corner of my lip twitched. It was the last time I’d played. Two years ago.
I had a booth at a pet trade show in Orange County, and I was staying the night alone in a hotel. I had a few drinks in me, and nobody there knew me. The notes had soared from my fingers, and I saw him there across the room, under a light at a cocktail table like a scene from a movie.
Everything around him had blurred.
He continued. “I asked you your name, and then I wrote it in calligraphy on a napkin. And you laughed at me and asked me if that ever actually worked on anyone.” He smirked a little. “It did, you know. It worked on every girl before you.”
This made me smile, and I felt myself soften. “You were so well dressed I thought for sure you were gay.”