that’s the last blow I can get before I’m shoved against the glass wall of the office.
As he sneers into my face, pressing my arms painfully against the glass, I realize this is worse than us catching feelings for each other. Hating each other to this point is far worse, and I already know Zara can never know about this.
Suddenly the office door flies open, and Ellis charges in like a storm, grabbing Nash by the collar first as he tosses him away from me. Nash comes back at him like he wants to fight, but there’s a stern, harsh glare on Ellis’s face that suddenly stops Nash’s movement, freezing him in place.
“That’s enough,” Ellis barks.
They stare at each other for a long moment before Ellis turns to me, touching me lightly on the elbow and ushering me out the door.
It’s a blur, him taking me to the house, inspecting my hand he notices me cradling, and then watching me as I break down in sobs on the kitchen island.
How did this happen? How did we get here? And it all becomes painfully clear.
Nash said he wanted me. Just like he wanted Zara, but she chose his father over him. I had a short glimpse of Nash without the armor, but he could only keep it off for so long, and the moment he admitted his feelings for me, he had to put it back on. It’s no different than the armor I wear, my defenses against feeling anything real, knowing we never get what we truly want in this life. All three of us know this truth too well. Love is only there to destroy us, especially when we’re at our weakest.
“I fucking hate him,” I sob into the dark, charcoal gray sheets on Ellis’s bed. After forcing me to drink some water and making me breathe, he ushered me to his bedroom and ordered me to lie down. Now, I can’t seem to stop shaking. There is no poetry in my head right now. I can’t focus on words or images or feelings.
At first, I panicked when the tremors took over, thinking the attack was back and I was spiraling again, but Ellis just stroked a hand down my back and told me it was just adrenaline.
“You are both very intense,” he says, putting a glass of water on the table next to the bed. I can’t stop the tears. I hate when this happens, as soon as they start, it’s endless. Ellis is quick with a tissue, leaning over to wipe them for me as I turn to my back, draping my arm over my head.
Then, when he seems to notice I’m not getting any better, he does something unexpected. He slips off his shoes next to the bed and crawls in next to me. Without a word, he pulls me under his arm and rests my face against his chest. Then with his large, strong hands, he runs a steady line down my spine like a steady current, and it actually starts to ward away the crying.
It’s quiet between us for a moment before he finally says, “Feeling better?”
“We kissed,” I blurt out with a small hiccup. It feels like I’m confessing something, but he doesn’t react. Tilting his head to the side, he looks down at me with those wise eyes and strong brow, and I suddenly feel so guilty like I’ve disappointed him even though I know I didn’t do a damn thing wrong.
“Did you want to kiss him?” His voice is balanced, calm.
“I did at the time. He was being honest and real. That was before he shut down and started being a sociopath.”
He nods solemnly and I glance up at him again. “He’s confused and his reaction is to lash out.”
“You think?” I reply with a laugh. When he looks down at me, wiping my tears, I feel them start to well up. He seems to have this effect on me, my safe space. And I’m still mad at him, but I’m far less mad at him than Nash so he’s literally the lesser of two evils right now.
“I’m sorry you had to hear what happened between us at the house,” he says quietly.
“Why couldn’t you just tell me? You let me throw myself at you, and all the while you and Nash…”
“Hanna, stop. There is no me and Nash. And it has nothing to do with you throwing yourself at me. I only turned down your invitation for sex because I