be blunt, Nash. You scare me. You always have, but right now I'm in such a rut I think I'd like to be fucked up."
"Hanna..."
“We don’t need to tell anyone. Just one time, no string attached sort of thing.”
I have no clue what the fuck I'm supposed to say right now, but she's throwing a curve ball at me, and I'm at a loss for words. Is she asking me to fuck her? And be rough? How am I supposed to answer that?
Um, fucking yes please.
"Never mind. I'm an idiot," she says in a rush before standing up and marching toward the guest house. I'm out of my chair in a heartbeat, running after her. Why did I have to take so long to answer?
As my hand latches around her arm, she quickly snatches it away. "That was stupid of me to say. I don't know what's wrong with me. Please forget I said anything…”
"I can't forget you said that."
"Then, just let me go." There are thick tears brimming in her eyes waiting to spill over.
"It's just...we can't, Hanna. It's...off limits."
Finally, her gaze meets mine, and she looks pained. "Don’t you think I understand that? She's my best friend, Nash. But she fucked your dad, so you're lying to yourself if you believe that off-limits bullshit."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I snap, grabbing her arm again, this time with a little more roughness.
"It means you're still stuck on her.”
“I am not stuck on Zara,” I reply, which is true.
“All of this..." she says, gesturing around at the buildings. "All of it is just a cover. You're not lonely because you're busy. You're lonely because you're hiding, Nash."
Well, fuck, she’s not wrong about that, but it’s not because of Zara.
“Who are you to talk? You’re the one hiding. Isn't that why you came out here?"
"Yes," she bites back, the tears finally running down her face. "I am hiding, but at least I know what I'm hiding from."
Then, she snatches her arm out of my grasp and jogs away. Choosing not to follow her, I stand alone under the stars trying to figure out how the hell this happened. Why couldn’t I just decline her offer? Why do I have to be such an asshole?
Because she pointed out something about myself I didn’t need her pointing out. I am hiding, and tomorrow, the one memory I’m hiding from is about to land on this very fucking island.
---
Spend enough time around aircrafts like I do, and you can pinpoint every single model by sound alone. And I know the sound of my dad’s N-2 approaching, which sends a flood of anxiety to the surface of my skin. He's early. Of course, he is. They were supposed to come in after lunch, but it's only ten and he's already landing.
Shoving my laptop away, I quickly fix my hair and stand up from my office.
“Charlotte, can you please forward the edits on these specs to the design team before I get back?”
"Yes, Mr. Wilde."
Adjusting my shirt again, I walk out to the helipad, holding my head up as high as I can. He's not going to intimidate me. I'm not going to let him get into my head again.
First, I spot my dad climbing out of the helicopter. The sun glares against the windshield, and I cover my eyes against the brightness. Then, Ellis steps out and comes into view. Something in my stomach plummets at the sight of him. And it's like I'm standing at that party in Amsterdam again. He hasn’t changed at all, still the larger than life man I remember, the man I idolized for my entire adult life. The sudden onslaught of memories hits me hard.
Especially when his eyes land on me. I become hyper aware of my inadequacies. My hair is too long. My beard isn't clean enough. My suit isn't expensive enough, and my walk isn't confident enough.
His eyes linger on mine for the eternity of a moment.
"Son, you remember Ellis," my dad says when they approach, framing it like a question. I nod and reach out to take his hand.
"Of course. Thank you for coming."
There's a spark of mischief in his eye as he reaches out to shake my hand. The sudden contact of our palms touching feels like ice in my veins. I'm living in Ellis Prior's shadow again.
My dad’s phone rings, and he peers down skeptically. “It’s Zara. Nash, show Ellis where he’ll be staying. I’ll be right back.”