course, every line, thought, and feeling is of them. Nash’s sea blue eyes and how they seem even bluer when he’s wet. The way the sun reflects off Ellis’s hair. How I can recognize each of their kisses even with my eyes closed. And the strange way being with them together was so different than being with them each alone.
Even after everything, the thought of them—of us together, calms me.
Getting off at the familiar old exit, I feel my skin start to crawl. I almost back out, almost letting the voices change my mind, and the closer I get the more nervous I get.
I need another voice to drown them out so before I turn my last corner, I stop and pull out my phone.
He answers on the first ring.
“Hanna,” he says, his deep voice sending warm waves of pleasure through my body.
“Ellis.”
“Are you okay?”
“I’m about to see her. Take her the papers.”
He lets out a heavy sigh that sounds like relief. “I’m proud of you. You can do this.”
“Thank you,” I whisper, feeling the rising emotion in my throat.
“Want me to stay on the phone? I will.” He sounds different, softer somehow.
“No. I just wanted to hear your voice before I go in there.”
“I’m right here,” he says, and I wish that were true. I wish he was right here, next to me, holding my hand, being the strength I need, the man I need. But we both know that’s not an option. For one, he’s still too hung up on Nash. I don’t think he realizes how much he let on, how hard he fell, and how much it showed.
The other reason we could never truly be together is because we’re both hopelessly stupid and our dating would only hurt the one person who hurt us most. How ridiculous is that? But Nash would always be there. He would be in every conversation, every intimate moment, every kiss, every memory. Just like he’s in this conversation right now. Ellis wants to ask about Nash, but he can’t. He can’t ask about him, because that would let on how bad he’s hurting. His pride won’t let him. So, I tell him anyway.
“I’m moving out next week. I don’t think he’ll notice. He does nothing but work now.”
“I don’t care,” Ellis says, cutting me off. It’s just for show. I think knowing how bad Nash is will make him feel better about how bad he is.
“The other day I noticed him in his office at three in the morning. I don’t know if he never went to sleep or if he woke up that early.”
“Hanna.”
“And when I did see him this morning, he looked like shit.”
Ellis lets out a heavy sigh. After a few moments of silence, he says, “Let’s have lunch next week. After you move in. I’ll come over.”
My throat feels tight as I nod, knowing he can’t see me. “Okay. That would be nice.”
“I have to get back to work, but call me after you talk to her. And Hanna…”
“Yeah?”
“You’ll always have me.”
My breath hitches, forgetting to take a breath for a moment as I let his voice and those words sink in. How long will this hurt? How long will I feel like this and is keeping Ellis in my life, knowing I will never be enough, really the best idea?
But who else would understand this feeling more than him? Not even Zara can sympathize. She got her happy ending. She was able to choose one.
“We’ll always have each other,” I add. “Just two idiots who fell in love with the same person.”
I ring the doorbell, which feels strange considering it’s my house. She’s not expecting me, and after the harsh phone conversation we had a couple of weeks ago, she’s probably still angry at me. When she answers the door to our three-story row house, her face behind the screen sends a chill up my spine.
A look of disappointment washes over her. “Took you long enough. I assume you want to move home now? Your rich boyfriend finally kicked you out?”
Just ignore her. She’s trying to discourage you to withhold power over you. Don’t let her.
The voice in my head sounds like Ellis. And I pretend he’s here, standing behind me, encouraging me to do what I need to do.
Without any greeting or response, I start. “I’m not going to come in or move home. I’m just going to say my piece and hand you this.”
“What the hell is this?” she asks, pushing open the