Then she pressed her lips together and nodded. “Right. I guess that’s true.”
Mitch steeled himself against grabbing her in a huge hug and reassuring her that he did not think that all they did together was have fun and party. This was more than that. On his side for sure. And he thought on her side as well. But right now, she needed to concentrate on her family and home and helping them understand what she wanted and needed.
“So, you go to the wedding and…whatever. Just give me a call at some point, okay?”
“Call?” she repeated. “At some point?”
“Yeah.” He shrugged. “Or text.” He could be cool about this.
“I can call every night,” she said. “I won’t be gone that long anyway.”
But he shook his head quickly. “Don’t worry about it. Just do what you need to do. However long it takes.”
That was exactly how he should feel about this. That was how a casual friends-with-benefits thing would feel.
He’d messed this up so badly.
“Mitch—”
“No promises, okay?” he said quickly. “Let’s not do that.”
Because, honestly, if she did get home and realized that’s where she wanted to be after this break, he really didn’t want to be on the other end of a broken promise. That would hurt a lot more than if he just let her go, and she just went, and they decided to figure out what came next later.
Paige swallowed. Then said, “I want to start making some promises, Mitch.”
His heart beat hard, but he made himself say, “After you’re home. After you have a chance to see how things are there. Okay? Not before. You can’t make any promises before you know how things are going to be there now.”
“I’ve always been worried about letting people down and disappointing people or breaking their hearts when I couldn’t do or be what they wanted. But I think I can communicate better about what I can give and what I want and what my boundaries are. And I want people to depend on me. I want people to ask me for things. And even if it’s more than I’ve given before or think I can give, I want to try. Because I think trying matters, and the right people understand that.”
God, he really was in love with her.
She’d grown and figured things out and started to believe in herself and in how she could take care of people and love them. And she realized she wanted to do all of that.
He still had to send her home without her making him any promises.
Even more now. Because now, if she made him a promise to come back or said she wanted more of a relationship and that she wanted to talk about the future, and then something in Appleby changed her mind, she would still try to keep that promise.
He wanted her to go, to be this new, more confident person back in Appleby, and then decide what she wanted from him. If anything.
“Please don’t,” he finally said. “Not with me, anyway. Just… go. We can figure out the rest, whatever it is, later.”
She flinched. Mitch’s gut twisted.
She was hurt. Clearly. And he wanted nothing more than to say he didn’t mean it, and he’d go anywhere with her and to please never leave him.
But that wasn’t fair. He knew himself and what he wanted and where he wanted to be. She needed to figure that out for herself, by herself, without him there influencing her.
Paige took a deep breath. “Okay.”
“Paige…” He had no idea what he was going to say.
“No, you don’t have to say anything else. I’ll go. And we’ll just… see what happens. No promises.”
Yeah, that’s what he wanted.
At least that was what he should want.
“Okay.”
She nudged him back and stepped down from the truck seat. “We should go back inside.” She smoothed her skirt, studying her dress instead of him.
They should go back inside. Because if they stayed out here or went home together right now, he’d end up saying all of the things he was barely swallowing now.
18
A snowstorm? In April? In Illinois?
But as Paige peered through her windshield and strove to keep her car on the road, the answer to all three of those questions was a resolute yes.
Followed by son of a bitch!
It was April. How was she in the middle of what seemed, by all definitions, to be a blizzard?
She made herself relax the grip on the steering wheel. Her shoulders were tight, and she’d had to stop crying and singing along