you, Shea, I took your advice. I’m moving to Dallas. Got me a job in a fancy men’s store, and thinkin’ maybe I could get to do a bit of modelin’ myself.”
True shock sprang to Shea’s eyes. “You are? Why? You never mentioned wantin’ to leave.”
A sad smile rose to Toby’s lips. “Don’t got much to wait around for no more. Obviously.” His big brown eyes met Jake’s. “You don’t know how lucky you are.” And without another word, he walked away.
“Sorry. Toby’s a little dramatic.”
“No. He’s right. I know I’m lucky, and it took coming to this town to figure it all out—that life isn’t always about staying on course, but about figuring out the right time to change lanes.”
“You’re luckier than I am” Shea muttered. “I’m trying to be me, the best possible person I can. But the more I try, the less I know about who I am. Who I thought I was.”
“Who was that man?”
“Someone who let himself get caught up in a dream he didn’t need. Dreams are for when you don’t have reality in front of you. I took the ranch for granted, took my life here for granted. All I saw was the excitement of bright lights and fancy places, but I’m thinkin’ I don’t need that. Everythin’ I could possibly want is right here, and it took me almost walkin’ away from it to figure it out. I know my daddy didn’t really want me to give it up, but he wanted me to come to that decision on my own.”
“That’s called self-discovery. And it can hurt. I know. I don’t expect to be the perfect parent anymore. I want to be the parent Stacey needs.” He tugged Shea’s hand. “Look at me, and tell me you don’t know what you want anymore.”
Shea held his gaze and blurted out, “I want you. I want the ranch. I want it all.”
That answer took Jake’s breath away.
He slid out of the booth, and ignoring the grins of Shea’s friends, they left the bar and drove home to the ranch. Shea sped as though the hounds of hell were after them, and when they arrived home, they sat together on the porch. Jake picked up the conversation from the bar.
“You said you don’t know who you are? I can tell you, Shea Montgomery.” Jake stared at that strong profile he’d grown to love. “You’re mine.” He held Shea’s face in the palm of his hand and kissed him so deep and hard, they both gasped for air when they separated. “You want it all?” Jake kissed him again and murmured in his ear, “Don’t you know you already have it?”
“I don’t know anything anymore.”
“Sure you do. You just said it at the Round Up. You want the ranch. You want me. Is that the truth?”
“I don’t want to sell the ranch.” Shea dropped his head in his hands, and Jake hurt for him, but he knew this was something only Shea could work through. “I don’t want to leave here.”
“I know.” Jake rubbed Shea’s back and kissed his cheek. “I know you don’t.”
“But I want to be with you. I don’t want to lose you.”
“Oh, babe, you can’t do that. Wherever I am, there’s you. Only us. Together.” The breeze blew the sweet evening fragrance of forget-me-nots around them. He swept his lips over Shea’s cheek. “I love you, Shea.”
“I don’t want to be apart from you. It’s killin’ me to think you’re goin’ away tomorrow, and I don’t know when I’m gonna see you again.” Shea’s lips came down on his, and in their kiss Jake tasted pain, hope, and love. “I love you too. I don’t want to let you go.”
“When you love someone, they’re always with you, even when you have to be apart. You’re not letting me go, because I’ll still be here. In your heart.” He placed a hand over Shea’s heart and took Shea’s hand to cover his own. “Like you are in mine.”
“So what are we gonna do?”
For the first time, Shea sounded lost and unsure, which made Jake love him even more. It was good to see Shea, always so strong, be a little vulnerable and needy.
“What do you want?”
“If I have to split my time between here and New York until we figure it out, that’s what I want to do. Because seeing you and Stacey walk away tomorrow is gonna rip out a piece of my heart.”