Fast asleep. Dreaming sweet dreams, I hope. I wonder what he thinks of me? His mammy. Does he love me yet? Is he able to love yet? Or his daddy, does he prefer him? I know the day will come when Conor will be the centre of Shay’s world. Football, fishing, going for a pint. But for now, it’s all about Mammy. I must remember to enjoy it.
‘Eat up, Laura, you’re only picking at it. You need to build your strength up.’
Conor is right. I need to at least try and finish the food on my plate.
‘It’s lovely, Conor. I’m just not that hungry.’
‘I thought you said you were starving.’
I did, didn’t I? ‘I was earlier, but my appetite seems to have disappeared. It must be the pills.’ Hoping to change the subject, I swivel on the stool and put my arm on Conor’s leg.
‘Well, how are you feeling? Are you delighted with him?’
‘I don’t think I’ve ever been more content in my life. I’m with the woman I love and now we have Shay.’
Tears come to my eyes. I want to believe him. I want it to be true but something doesn’t feel right. The card still haunts me. I have to stop thinking about it.
‘And you?’ he mumbles, stuffing a forkful of food in his mouth.
‘I’m in heaven, Conor. I love you. I love Shay. We’re all together. I love my life.’
Conor smiles. ‘Good. Now eat some more.’
My thoughts are in a twist. Should I tell him about the card? Spoil his happiness? It’s not often I see Conor worrying or stressing out about something and I don’t want it to end.
The brewery takes all his time, and the fact that it’s a family business means that everyone turns to him to solve problems. I’ve suggested to him that he might want to think about sharing the workload, employing a director or something, so he can relax a bit. He can certainly afford it.
Conor wasn’t having any of it, saying he didn’t trust anyone else to make the right decisions for the business. I sometimes wonder about that, why he has to feel in complete control of the place? It’s just his job. Or is it? Half the village relies on the brewery doing well. That’s a lot of pressure for one guy. Especially someone so young, who was thrown in the deep end when his father died. I only ever took a job to pay the bills so I don’t understand the pressure he’s under.
‘What time is the nurse calling at?’ he asks.
‘What nurse?’
‘The community nurse. The hospital said she’d call in to you this afternoon to check on you and Shay.’
‘Oh yes. I don’t know what day of the week it is anymore. I better take a shower… will you stay with Shay?’
Crikey. I don’t remember the hospital saying that. Thank God Conor was paying attention. Those pills must be stronger than I thought. Now I’m beginning to doubt if I read those words in that card.
* * *
Two hours pass. I think I’ve changed Shay’s nappy about five times just to make sure it isn’t dirty when she arrives. What sort of a mother would she take me for? I hope she thinks I’m doing a good job and that Shay is safe with me. The last thing I want is for her to be checking up on me all the time. One wrong move in front of her and that’s what could happen.
Conor is in his office off the hallway when the doorbell rings. There’s a bit of muttering before they both walk into the kitchen.
Nurse Elaine immediately walks over to me and takes my hand, placing her other hand on top of it and introducing herself. She has a nice smile. I’m immediately relaxed.
‘Well, you look good,’ she says. ‘How is Mammy doing?’
‘Mammy’s great,’ I say. ‘Though she’ll be a lot better when these stitches dissolve.’
Elaine laughs. ‘I know. They really are painful but you’ll notice an improvement as each day goes by.’
Moving over to the baby, Elaine dotes on him for a bit before removing his baby-grow and checking he’s still in one piece. ‘Did he arrive on time or did he keep his mammy waiting?
‘He was early actually, by almost two weeks.’
‘Well he’s definitely not suffering from it.’ I smile at her words. I’d been worried my rushing around, refusing to relax had brought on the early labour.
‘You’re doing a great job, Laura,’ she says, to my relief. ‘Keep up the