floor area looks sticky, not to mention the grey stone below my feet. It’s multi-coloured now. Totally unrecognisable. I’m guessing the party moved up a gear when Maggie and her cronies left.
‘Say sorry for what?’
‘She was a bit annoyed you left the party and went upstairs without saying goodbye to anyone, you know the way she gets.’
The pounding in my head is getting worse. I swallow water then pull open the drawer where I keep the paracetamol.
‘Are you serious?’ I say. ‘I have to apologise?’
‘If it was up to me, Laura, then no, but just to keep the peace.’
There seems to be a lot of effort put into keeping the peace around here. I can’t believe he wants me to apologise. Pushing two pills into my mouth, I swallow the remainder of the water.
‘Maybe you’re the one who should say sorry.’
Conor lets go of the bag and straightens up to look at me. ‘What for?’ He looks confused. ‘What’s wrong, Laura? What the hell did I do?’
‘It wasn’t just the drink that made me stagger, Conor.’ I can hear the anger in my own voice and I don’t like it but I can’t stop. ‘I know about you.’
He moves a few steps closer to me. I put my hands in the air to ward him off.
‘What are you talking about?’
‘The accident… I know it was you who was working the day of the accident, the day your dad died.’
‘Laura,’ he says.
‘You could have told me, instead of me having to hear it from Deirdre. Can you imagine how shocked I was?’
‘Laura, I was going to tell you it’s just… well, there was always something. I could never find the right moment.’
‘Not to mention how foolish I felt that I didn’t already know?’ I didn’t actually feel foolish at the time. I do now though.
‘Laura, I’m sorry, I should have told you.’
Tears are falling down my face now. This is not how I wanted to tell Conor. I wanted to hold him, comfort him, tell him it’s okay. But he annoyed me, telling me to apologise to Maggie.
‘Yes, you should have Conor, and I shouldn’t have to say sorry to Maggie for falling asleep. I know I had drink taken but it didn’t hit me until I heard what Deirdre had to say.’
Conor turns his back to me and walks away. He lifts the black bag in his hand and continues to collect the plastic cups. Why isn’t he consoling me, holding me close and apologising again?
‘I guess you’re right,’ he says, the tone of his voice deeper. ‘I should have told you… and you should have told me.’
‘What?’ I hear a whisper leave my mouth. ‘Told you what?’
‘I’m not the only one carrying a big secret, am I?’ he says. Suddenly I’m transported to a feeling I haven’t felt in a long time. I want the world to stop. The room to disappear. It’s like I’m here but I’m not here. In my head I hear her voice. It’s going round and round. ‘You stupid girl Laura. You stupid, evil, girl.’
Chapter Forty-Eight
The following moments are spent with me trying to catch my breath. Conor rushes over to me. What does he know? How much does he know? How does he know? He’s trying to console me; he puts his arm around me, afraid I’m going to collapse.
‘Come over here, Laura, sit down, it’s okay, sit down.’ Conor leads me to the nearest chair where I fall into the seat. He kneels down in front of me and puts his hands on my shoulders. ‘Take a deep breath, Laura, I’ll get you some water.’
He jumps to his feet and hurries to the tap. The filtered water tap. I don’t deserve a filtered water tap.
* * *
I couldn’t believe my luck. Number One Shandon Close and it was all mine. A small, two-bedroomed, red-brick house. Only a short walk to the city. The kitchen was small but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. I was the luckiest girl in the world.
Earlier that year when I turned twenty-one I received my inheritance which had been held in a trust fund since my father died fifteen years earlier. Amanda still had two years to go before she would get hers but she decided to move in with me. Mam stupidly thought it was a good idea.
Within two weeks the place had been transformed into a party den. The neighbours weren’t too happy. Each time they complained, I promised them it was the last of it.