‘Er yes, I’m Laura, I used to work here. Where you’re sitting actually.’ I pause for her to comment but she forces a smile and nods.
‘Can you buzz Amanda Wright for me please?’ I say.
The girl lifts the phone and waits… No answer.
‘Oh, well, can I just pop through? They’re expecting me.’
I’m pretty sure she’s just about to tell me I can’t, when I hear the heavy voice of Pete Gunner.
‘Laura,’ he says, walking straight over. ‘How are you? Great to see you again.’
Pete congratulates me on the birth of Shay. He tells me how well I’m looking and invites me to accompany him into the main office area. Unlocking the safety clip on the buggy, I push it through the door that Pete is holding open.
‘How are things, Laura? Are you happy with the move? Amanda tells me you’re loving it.’
‘Yes, it’s great, takes a bit of getting used to, but so far so good.’
The diamond on my finger reflects in the large glass-mirrored wall. I see expensive clothes, a Gucci bag hanging from a state-of-the-art buggy, the fairytale ending they all must see. I manage to hold my smile in place while the show goes on. These people are expecting my happy-ever-after to have gone to plan. But there’s a cloud, a big dark cloud hanging over my happy world that only I can see. I push the buggy further down the corridor and admit to myself what I’ve known for a while now. There’s rain on the way.
* * *
Inside the main office, everyone is excited to see us. The space feels familiar. A hug from the past. Same faces, same desks, same pictures on the wall. I hardly noticed the pictures when I worked here.
A small posse has gathered around the buggy, smiling at Shay and telling me how great I look. I thank them for their compliments. Beaming with pride, I show off my little boy. It feels strange to be the centre of attention. That never happened when I worked here. In fact I felt different from everyone else, a fake. I was someone who got the job because her sister was good friends with the boss. At first, I kept myself well hidden, scurrying like a mouse hoping to become invisible. If it wasn’t for Amanda taking me to lunch with her or to the after-work drinking sessions on a Friday, I’m not sure anyone would have noticed me.
But that was then and this is now. And now I feel proud of myself. It surges through me, fuelled by every query and compliment coming my way. Everyone wants to know about my life, what it’s like to be a mother, to be married to someone so handsome and rich. I try to act humble, telling them I miss their comradeship, the gossip, going to lunch, the nights out. But they laugh, offering to swap places if I miss them that much.
After a while, having satisfied everyone’s addiction to smelling a new baby, I ask where Amanda is. Rose informs me she’s holding a course in the blue room which is due to finish in about twenty minutes. Not wanting to overstay my welcome, I tell Rose I’ll wait out in the foyer and she walks out with me. Rose is the oldest member of the staff here and one of the nicest. When I first started at Imanage, Rose kept her eye on me. Amanda was great at including me in the fun stuff but Rose was the one I turned to when I needed help with the work. The first day I arrived here, she told me my shyness was a welcome trait around the place, that everyone else was too full of confidence.
‘So, you’re enjoying it all so far,’ Rose says.
‘Yes, it takes a bit of getting used to, but so far so good.’
‘Good… good.’ Rose nods but I can hear a hint of hesitation in her voice.
‘What?’ I say, turning to look at her.
Rose lifts her head to look at me. ‘Nothing. It’s probably nothing,’ she says.
‘What’s probably nothing?’
‘I wasn’t planning on saying anything, but now that you’re here…’
The joy I have just filled my cup with slowly seeps out. I know this is not going to be good news; Rose wouldn’t sound so guarded if it was. She’s almost whispering and there’s no one else here except the young girl behind the desk twenty feet away, deafened with headphones.
‘Tell me, Rose.’ Rocking the buggy forwards and backwards, I