He steps out from behind the island and walks towards Fintan with his hand out. The men all seem to do that here, shake each other’s hands every time they meet like they haven’t seen one another in years. Fintan ignores Conor’s hand.
‘Can I have a word, Conor?’ he says, looking over to where I’m standing. ‘In private.’
‘Sure, sure. Laura, will you take Shay upstairs with you?’
There’s a lot of silence between the words. Something is up. Conor and Fintan are good friends and would usually have plenty to say to one another. I wonder what is so important that I can’t hear it. If something was up with Maggie, I’m sure Fintan would just blurt it out in front of me. It must have something to do with Vicky Murphy.
My hands shake when I lift Shay out of the crib. What is going on? I’m about to walk away when I notice the baby monitor flashing on the shelf beside the crib. With one swoop of my finger I reverse the setting and leave the room. Closing the door behind me, I leave the two men behind and rush to the bedroom with Shay in my arms.
Chapter Twenty-Four
There’s a tiny dark birthmark below Shay’s ear. Conor thinks it’s shaped like a star but it looks more like a blob to me. I brush my finger across it watching his eyes sparkle, looking up at me.
‘Hello baby,’ I say, sitting down on the bedroom chair holding Shay close to me. The monitor is right beside me.
‘Mammy is being bold,’ I whisper, increasing the volume button on the monitor. Conor’s is the first voice I hear.
‘Jesus, Fintan, what are you saying?’
‘Someone has said something to alert them; they asked me if I knew anything about it. I said I didn’t, but Conor, this is my job; I’m supposed to be retiring next year.’
Silence.
‘Who told them? For Christ’s sake, who knows?’
‘I don’t know. They didn’t tell me… I just thought I’d come here as soon as I heard.’
More silence.
‘So, you told them nothing?’
‘Of course not, I acted dumb. I said I didn’t believe it was true, that you wouldn’t do something like that but—’
‘Okay, okay.’ Conor’s voice is going up and down, like he’s pacing the room.
My heart is beating so hard Shay must think I’m patting him. What are they talking about? What the fuck did Conor do and why is Fintan covering for him?
The words shout at me from inside my head. ‘Conor is a murderer.’ My head is tilted so close to the monitor that I almost slip off the chair. Pulling myself back into a safe position, I hold Shay across my chest, rocking him from side to side. The light on the monitor flashes into the red.
‘Fuck!’ Conor shouts, banging something while he does it. I jerk in the chair, clinging with fear to my little baby boy. I have never heard Conor express his anger before.
A tear lands on Shay’s nose. I dab it with my finger.
‘Mammy is sorry, little baby.’ I cry more, rubbing Shay’s warm soft skin with my hand. ‘Mammy is very sorry.’
* * *
They’ve obviously left the kitchen now because I can only hear fading murmurs. They must be in the hallway. I hear the bang of the front door.
I put Shay onto the bed and look in the mirror. Grabbing a face wipe, I attempt to disguise the fact that I’ve been crying. The monitor is still on. Conor is coming up the stairs. Glancing over to make sure Shay is safe, I rush to switch it off. If Conor found out I was listening in, I don’t know what would happen next. Am I afraid of him now? Back at the mirror I’m dabbing cream on my face when he walks into the room.
‘Is he alright like that?’ Conor says, noticing Shay lying on our bed.
‘Yes, he can’t roll yet.’ I check on my little baby, then look back in the mirror where I can see Conor’s face. It’s a lot redder than it was earlier but his voice is giving nothing away. Conor sits on the bed and rests his hand on Shay’s belly.
‘See ya later, kid.’ Conor kisses his son on the head before walking to my side, taking my face in his hands.
‘Were you crying?’
‘No, I rubbed cream in my eyes by mistake. What did Fintan want?’
‘Nothing much, just a question he had, that’s all. Will you be okay on your own today?’