she steps out of the car and runs up the steps to me.
‘You look like crap,’ she says, hugging me, careful not to squeeze Shay in the process.
‘And you smell even worse.’
‘Thanks. You look great.’
She laughs, moving her attention to Shay.
‘Hi sweetheart… oh Laura, he is so beautiful.’
‘I know, he’s the best… aren’t you Shay?’ I say, smiling down at him.
Amanda closes the door as we both walk down the hallway.
‘Is Conor here?’
‘No, he had to go out. I hope he’ll be back soon, I feel like I’ve been in these clothes for a week. I need to take a shower.’
Amanda puts her arms out. ‘Here, I’ll take him.’
‘I’m not sure he’ll…’ but when I place him in Amanda’s arms he doesn’t object, no screaming to get back into my arms. He looks comfortable and happy. Go Laura, Go. Rushing out of the room, I glance back to make sure it wasn’t a trick he was playing on me, but he still looks content in Aunty Amanda’s arms.
‘I’ll be quick.’ I call out.
‘Take your time.’
* * *
The hot steam soothes my tired body. With my eyes closed, I lift my face into the gushing water and relax. I’m happy Amanda is easy with Shay. She’s great with Conor too. Always laughing and sharing jokes. They both get on like a house on fire.
Amanda was so happy for me when I first met Conor. She liked him, thought he was perfect for me. Of course when she saw the big house and realised I was dating gold, she was even happier. ‘No one deserves it more,’ she’d said, trying to get me to move on and enjoy what I had, instead of always waiting for the balloon to burst.
I feel so much better now. It’s amazing what a shower can do. I ease myself into a pair of jeans and pick a blueprint shirt from the wardrobe. My hair is tied back, and I dab a little bit of makeup on my pale face. Seeing Amanda groomed to perfection reminds me of what Conor is looking at every day in work. I better keep up.
When I walk into the kitchen, I find Amanda sitting at the counter, flicking through a magazine, my heart skips a beat.
‘Where is he?’ I say.
‘Relax, Mammy. He’s in the crib fast asleep.’
I hurry to the crib and place my hand on his chest to feel his tiny lungs expand. My shoulders slump with relief on feeling the movement. From the other side of the room, Amanda watches me.
‘Are you alright, Laura?’
‘Yes, sorry, just panicked a bit.’
Sliding off the high stool, she walks over, looking into the crib before turning her attention to me.
‘Everything is going to be okay, you know,’ Amanda says, her beautiful blue eyes focused on mine. ‘You need to let go of the past, Laura. Things will be fine.’ She holds my stare for a moment longer before her concerned face brightens with a smile. ‘C’mon, let’s have a coffee, tell me everything.’
When I’ve finished with my petty complaints about unwanted callers and nappies that don’t fit, I apologise for my negativity and ask her to bring a bit of excitement to my day with some of her own news.
The card sits at the front of my mind waiting for the right moment. I don’t want to jump in with the drama straight away because I know things will change as soon as I do.
Amanda sits opposite me. Her face full of excitement as she tells me about her latest flings, the twenty-four-hour party she was at last week and the guy in her office who won two hundred thousand euro in the Lotto but is still first into the office every day.
When she starts to tell me about someone else from her office, I interrupt her.
‘Amanda,’ I say, putting my arm out and placing my hand on hers like I’m looking for a pause button, ‘I have to tell you something.’
Immediately she moves forward, closer to me. She knows this is not good.
‘You need to promise not to tell anyone else.’
She nods.
‘I got a card in the letterbox.’
Silence. Amanda’s eyes aren’t blinking.
‘Fuck.’ It’s Conor. I can hear his keys opening the front door.
‘Sshh… I can’t say anything in front of Conor, I’ll tell you later.’
* * *
Another hour passes. Coffee, feeding the baby, coffee, changing baby. Conor still hasn’t left my side and I can tell Amanda is eager to hear my news before she has to leave; she keeps looking at