‘Go and try out your seduction skills, get laid and let go of some of that tension.’
‘I can’t!’
‘Get laid?’
‘Chat people up, flirt, whatever you want to call it!’
‘Oh, come on. What do you mean you can’t? Are you saying Noah did a crap job, that he didn’t teach you a single thing about seduction?’
‘No,’ I say sulkily.
‘This is about your dad, isn’t it?’ Her tone softens, and she puts her hand on my arm. ‘Your mum’s already moved on.’
Yeah, she has, to Cornwall to be precise. She’s had the locks changed at home – to make sure Dad can’t move back in undetected while she’s away, packed her new rucksack and buggered off to walk the Cornish Coast Path. I have already had reports of seals, King Arthur and the new tattoo on her left arse cheek. My mother is having more fun than I am.
‘It’s not my dad, all right? This is not about him. He’s old news.’
‘Oh.’ She pauses. ‘This is about Noah then, isn’t it!’
‘Can’t I just not want to date?’
‘And waste all that lovely new underwear?’
‘I’m quite happy without a man.’
‘Yeah, right, you’re totally happy without sex just like I’m totally happy when I cut out booze, or carbs, or breathing.’
‘You’re being silly now! Are we really expecting to sell this many copies of this book?’
‘Rosie!’ She’s losing patience. ‘Talk to me.’
I stop putting ‘signed by the author’ stickers on the pile of books and slam down the copy I’m holding. ‘Fine. You’re right. Okay?’ I hold my hands up. ‘The problem is Noah, totally Noah. He was a great teacher, brilliant, he taught me all the right moves and when I flirted with a guy when he had my back it went fine. I was sexy, and confident and all those frigging things that make people want to go out with you, okay?’ The words are starting to catch in my throat. ‘If I go on a date and do all those things he told me to do, then it will just remind me of him, okay? And I don’t want to be reminded of him right now. I need some space.’
‘Oh.’ She pauses and frowns. ‘So the whole seduction lesson thing was a crap idea then, cos you can’t stand to do anything he taught you?’
‘Spot on. Totally crap idea.’ I suddenly feel exhausted. ‘It’s just a game, isn’t it? Dating? And some people are better at it than others.’
‘Oh Rosie, it’s not a competition, there’s no right or wrong way.’
‘Just right and wrong people. He scared me, Bea; for a moment there he felt like the right person, and he wasn’t.’
‘Maybe he’s not …’
‘He doesn’t believe in love, he thinks it’s terrible, will ruin his life.’
‘You could persuade him it’s not?’ she says, an optimistic lift to her voice.
‘Like Mum persuaded Dad?’ I fight to keep the sarcasm out of my voice.
‘I don’t think your dad ever believed in love in the first place, Rosie. Noah did. He just lost faith in it. That makes him totally different! And like your mum said, people can only do what you let them do to you.’
If she wags her finger at me, I might have to grab it and bend it back.
‘I can’t change him. I don’t want to.’
‘But he might not be like you think! He’s already changed because of what happened to his friend, maybe he just needs help to change back to who he really is.’
‘I better finish sorting these books,’ I say softly.
‘I’ll go and get us a coffee, and some carbs, shall I?’
I look at the pile of books. I need a plan. I need something to take my mind off Noah, because it’s doing my head in, and whatever I said to Bea I’m just not into the whole idea of dating right now. I don’t want to be sitting opposite a man who isn’t Noah.
Which kind of sucks.
Maybe I should go back to dog sitting? Hugo’s mum, Ophelia, sent me several messages after our first disastrous date telling me he was the happiest she’d ever seen him when she picked him up, that he pined for me, that he whimpers when she says my name. That maybe I could just look after him for two hours while she has her friends round for brunch? Because if he’s there he’ll try to hump her best friend, Sophie, and a Great Dane wrapped around you can play havoc with your new top, and your hair, and,