mean, remember how I went toe to toe with Annabelle Leigh in front of the entire class, and just laughed when she and her bitch friends tried to get me back by flushing my student card down the toilet? Remember how many guys I’ve dated and dumped or who things just didn’t work out with and I didn’t give a damn? Remember how many parties and guys and opportunities I sacrificed to be the best at what I do? And now, what it comes down to is this: I threw away my dream opportunity because of some hot guy.”
“Some hot guy you have a crazy connection with,” Hannah pipes in.
“Not crazy enough to try and make it work,” I murmur, shaking my head. “I just—I guess I’m worried I’m not that person anymore. I mean, it sounds conceited, but I’ve never been dumped before, Han. Never been fired. Of course I’ve had people dislike me, but… this feels different. I just can’t get my head around why I risked everything to be with this man. This man who wouldn’t do the same for me.”
“Stop,” Hannah chides me. She puts her hand to stop my glass from making it to my mouth. Clearly, she sees how I’ve been drinking not just to get drunk, but to get obliterated. Not that it’s really helping, so far. “You couldn’t have known how things would turn out.”
I look at her head-on, moving my hand so I can down the rest of my fruity drink. “Come on. I knew how this would end. Bosses don’t end up with their employees. End of story. Relationships at work just make everything messy. Everyone knows that.”
“You did it and it’s done,” Hannah says. “What’s the point of beating yourself up about it now?”
Putting down my cup on a nearby ledge, I throw up my hands, glaring at the disco ball overhead, which is currently throwing an annoyingly vibrant blue beam into my eyes every few seconds. The air smells musky, human, and even, if I was in the mood, sultry. I am not in the mood. I don’t want to be here.
I turn to her. “Because I’m trying to figure it out. What made Greyson so…” Ugh, I hate the word, but it’s coming out whether I like it or not, “Special. I’ve dated other guys who are hot, funny, fun, rich. Guys other girls would kill to date. And sure, Greyson is an amazing catch too. But still. Why risk it all on the one guy who it can’t work out with? It doesn’t make any sense.”
“Love never does,” Hannah says simply.
“That’s not… we weren’t…” How I felt in his arms. The glint in his eyes when he was looking at me, a second before he looked away. I had a feeling that being with you would make anything good. I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter, anyway.”
Hannah’s looking at me with a look I haven’t seen on her before, a look I hate: pity. I’m not the weak one, the one who gets hurt. That’s not me.
“C’mon.” I take her by the hand and pull her after me onto the dance floor. “Let’s dance.”
In the middle of the dance floor, I let the beat take over. Groove my limbs into motion, roll my hips side to side, bob my head back and forth.
God, it’s such a relief. The music. The all-encompassing feel of the place: the lights, the people, the pounding bass. Yes, all there is room for here is being here. Now. Yes. Yes.
The next song is “Smells Like Teen Spirit”, and Hannah and me jump around, faux angsting and yelling along to the lyrics.
A few more songs, and we goof off, do the chicken dance to some rap song, laughing our heads off.
A man comes and goes, another.
One takes my hand and spins me. He’s handsome and looks like an artist and yet I spin away just as quickly.
Suddenly, I can’t take it anymore. Can’t bear being here for another second.
I pull Hannah outside.
“What’s the matter?” she asks me.
“I can’t,” I say simply. “I can’t be here and pretend I’m up to meet another guy or dance. Or anything really.”
“Hmm.” Hannah’s head bob is pure understanding. “Need a good cry?”
I sigh. “Think so.”
“Well, we got a few good songs in there.” She’s already taking out her phone, ordering us an Uber. “Plus, you’re probably right. Holding it all in won’t do you any good—unless it does.”
We both chortle at that. Our Aunt Beatrice has