Fires of War (War and Deceit #4) - Erin O'Kane Page 0,34

and shrug. “I’ve lived this long without memories. I can survive without them.” I try to brush it off, and I’m not sure who I’m trying to convince, my friends or myself, but seeing their expressions, I’m not sure I’ve managed it. Even Naril is looking at me with sympathy, which I hate. Having all of them staring at me like that just makes me angry.

“I think the barrier she describes is one she’s constructed herself, not magic holding her memories,” Eldrin calls out, breaking the silence. When everyone turns to gape at the scarred elf, I feel like I can finally breathe. I sense his eyes on me, and I know he’s pulled the attention onto himself on purpose. We may not share a bond, but he felt me drowning and threw me a lifeline.

The others are talking, their voices low. I need to focus on what they’re saying, so I take slow, calming breaths and turn my attention back to Eldrin.

“I saw her do this a couple of times before when we were training,” he replies, answering a question the chief just asked, his arms crossed over his chest as he speaks. “Think about it, she was a slave. Even without any magical abilities, her fae speed and strength would have given her away and made her stand out. That’s the last thing she would have wanted, it would have gotten her killed.” He’s trying not to look in my direction, but as I take a few steps closer, his eyes seem to be reluctantly drawn to me. “I think she constructed some sort of barrier, pushing everything different about herself behind it, and when she was in trouble or scared, it would slip, allowing her to use her speed or strength to save herself.”

What he says makes sense. Memories from when I was a slave at the farms fill my mind. I was almost crushed by a cascade of falling barrels in one of the barns. We had been stacking the barrels of grain that were ready to be transported to Arhaven when the barrels at the top had suddenly fallen, crushing us. Somehow, I managed to protect myself, the others hadn’t been so lucky. Six slaves died that day, I was the only one of the group to survive. That hasn’t been the only occasion I’ve managed to survive something I shouldn’t have.

If Eldrin is right and this barrier is something of my own making, then my memories really could be lost. If it’s magic that took your memories, you need to speak to Grayson, I tell myself, my chest throbbing where his bond sits. It’s getting harder to be away from him for so long, but as if he knows I’m thinking of him, a wave of love washes over me, calming me.

“But what do I know?” Eldrin’s scoffs, and when I look up, I see he’s staring directly at me. There’s a challenge in his gaze which just confuses me. What does he want from me?

“You could be right.” Vaeril steps in, feeling my frustration and confusion. Looking between the two of us, he frowns before turning to the chief. “Both suggestions should be considered.”

Chief Arne nods in agreement and walks to my side, looking at Tor with a raised eyebrow until the tribesman moves back to allow the chief closer. Clapping me on the shoulder, he smiles down at me. “Clarissa, good start today.” His expression becomes more serious, and I know what he’s going to say. I start nodding in agreement before he’s even speaking. “However, you need a lot more training—”

“I’ll help,” Tor offers instantly, and I hear Naril’s snort of amusement.

“I don’t think he means that sort of training,” Naril remarks, chortling. Scowling, I look over just in time to catch Vaeril smacking him on the back of the head. Now it’s my turn to smirk.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” Shaking his head, Chief Arne frowns at Tor. “No, you’re too close to this. If it makes you feel better, I will oversee Clarissa’s training while we are still here. I will find her the best instructor from our tribe.”

While we are still here.

It’s not really been discussed, but there’s a huge question mark about what will happen after the war. Although I’m now a member of the tribes, Chief Arne doesn’t expect me to travel back with them afterward. It was one of the reasons his tribe was chosen for me to join—it gives me the freedom