tongue.
She chewed for a moment before turning to face me.
I wanted to run. I wanted to tell her she didn’t know me when she obviously did. I needed the pity in her eyes to go away.
Icing sugar dusted her bottom lip as she hesitantly reached across and placed her hand on my thigh.
I stiffened.
My blood heated.
My body hardened.
I squeezed my eyes and fought back a tattered groan.
She didn’t speak for the longest moment. A moment where I struggled not to grab her. A moment where I lived in a fantasy of carrying her upstairs, finding the closest bed, and learning how sweet her tongue was after eating delicious pancakes.
“I know you might hate me for saying this...but I know, Gil.”
I kept my eyes closed, unable to meet her stare.
Her fingers dug deeper into my thigh. “I know you’re beaten at home. I know you don’t eat much. I know you don’t like leaving school. I know—”
My hand landed over hers, squeezing the delicate bones of her fingers. “Stop.”
“I can’t,” she whispered. “I can’t because if I do, I don’t know if you’ll come back. And I really, really want you to come back.” She didn’t complain as my hand crushed hers. She just continued in her melodic, perfect voice. “You said the first day we talked in the corridor that telling a secret makes us friends. I told you mine, and you’ve become so important to me these past few months. Do you....perhaps...want to share another one with me?”
I struggled to open my eyes and look at her. My heart flew like a wounded bird, crashing against my ribs, breaking a wing, desperate for help but terrified of it at the same time.
I diverted her attention away from my secrets. “Why...why am I important to you?”
She smiled shyly. “Many reasons.”
“Because I walk you home from school?”
“One of them.”
“What are the others?”
With her voice soft, she answered, “You’re important because you look after me even when you don’t think you are. You carry my bag, you sharpen my pencil, you give me cookies from the canteen, you make up silly nicknames for me.”
I scowled. “The nicknames are a stupid idea.”
“Don’t you dare stop, they’re the best!” Her eyes glittered. “You make my days better just knowing you’re waiting for me to start class together.”
I forced myself not to react, even though she’d just given me every gift I ever wanted. “That’s why you like me? Because you don’t feel so alone? Any boy could do that.”
She slipped off her barstool and pressed herself against me. “Any boy isn’t you.” Her head fell on my shoulder. “I have friends. I have company. But...none of them fills up the holes inside me like you do. It’s like...I only need you. And that’s terrifying because I know you hide so much, and I don’t know if you’ll decide that one day—”
“Stop.”
“But you’d tell me, right? If I pried too much or annoyed you enough to push you—”
“Olin.” My voice was fierce. “Enough.”
“I like you, Gilbert, not because of what you do for me, but because of the secrets you refuse to share. You think they’ll change how I care about you.” She pressed a fleeting kiss on my cheek. “You couldn’t be more wrong.”
I clenched every muscle I possessed so I didn’t clutch her close and kiss her back. Kiss her mouth this time. Kiss her until I couldn’t stop.
With my eyes closed, I asked quietly. “You like me?”
“So much.”
“How do you like me?” I opened my eyes, forcing a smile and repeating what she said to me that first day we talked. “Do you like me like me or just—”
“I like you like you.” Her gaze fell to my lips. “I want to like you forever.”
I froze, even as my heart went wild. “Forever is a long time.”
“It’s not long enough.”
I fell deeper into her gaze, feeling the tug to spill everything. Drowning beneath the need to have her know me. Truly, truly know me. To accept me. To no longer fear she’d leave me when she found out everything. To take away her fear that I would ever leave her in return.
Because that would never happen.
Ever.
I would slit my own wrists if I ever thought of abandoning her.
Then you’d leave her in death, you moron.
Okay, I would just have to find a way to be immortal, so Olin would forever be mine.
My hand shook as I reached out and cupped her cheek. She gasped as I ran my thumb over her cheekbone.