memories of my mom and the day Sylvia passed all came rushing back. I had to go.”
“But—”
“Lorenzo, I got scared. I can’t fall in love with you, and even though I’d already fallen, I needed to get up and pull myself away. I couldn’t do it.”
I swallow thickly. “Carissa, listen. I was so afraid to fall in love at first too, but I did. I did it anyway. You made me fall in love again, and it was beautiful. Albeit scary because I had been turned off to dating women for so long after my wife passed. But then I met you, and you changed my whole perspective on love and life.”
She rubs her thumb over my hand. “Lorenzo, don’t you get it? I’m afraid to be with you because I saw how much you loved your wife. How can I ever compete with that? How can you ever love me the same way? I’m afraid you’ll never be able to, and maybe that’s okay, but I’m also afraid of being hurt. I remember how devastated you were the day you lost her. I also remember how it felt when I got my heart broken by Steve. It hurts. It fucking hurts like hell, and I don’t want to go through it again. I can never compete with what you had with her.”
A frown forms on my face. I’m torn she feels this way. Could I ever love her like I loved Sylvia? I do, but at the same time, it’s different. Not in a bad way, just different. I’ll always love my wife, but I love Carissa too. “Oh, Carissa. I do love you… so much. And I will always love Sylvia as well. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t, and I don’t want to lie to you. She was my wife and the mother to my daughter. She was my first love, my everything. But just because I’ll always love her doesn’t mean I won’t love you or that I’ll love you less. You have to understand it’s not a competition.”
“It’s not. I know that, but I have to let this go. I’m sorry.” She pulls her hands away from mine and rises from her seat.
I don’t let her go. I grab her hand before she can get away, and it forces her to look back at me. “It’s not a competition, and if you say you have to go, then I’m going to fight for you, fight for us.”
She furrows her brows and sits back down. “What?”
“Carissa, I’m going to fight because I realize you’re worth it. If I need to spend every day for the rest of my life showing you you’re worth fighting for, then so be it, baby.”
“Lorenzo—”
I shake my head. “Look, I’m sorry for the constant phone calls, texts, and blowing up your phone these past couple of weeks. I’m sorry for not giving up. I’m sorry for coming into your life if all you ever wanted was solace, without me bringing my crazy world into yours.”
“No, please don’t say that. I—”
“Please let me finish.”
She nods.
“I’m not giving up, Carissa, and guess what? I’m not sorry for fighting for someone I care so deeply about, someone I love. Yes, I love you, and I don’t care if I’m crazy or whatever anyone else thinks because it happened so fast. I truly fucking love you, and I’ll be damned if I give up now. I’m a fighter, and fighters don’t quit.”
She nods again, closing her eyes as a tear falls onto her cheek. I reach out and wipe at it with my hand, and she leans into it. She opens her eyes again.
I smile at her and continue. “Let me tell you what else I’m not sorry about. I’m not sorry for placing my lips on you that night and tasting the sweet candy cane sugar on your luscious lips.”
She blushes, but I’m going to keep going because it’s now or never.
“I’m not sorry for taking you into my arms and holding you tight. I’m not sorry for spending a magical evening with you and bringing your body to life.”
“Lorenzo…” she whispers, looking around with her cheeks all flushed.
I smile at her, but I need to finish the rest of what I have to tell her. “Most of all, the one important thing I don’t regret and am one hundred and fifty fucking percent not sorry about is finding you and realizing what an amazing fucking woman you are. I’m not sorry