kiss with Benjamin in peace. Reminders of my brother certainly didn't help, nor did the perfectly cloudless, warm sky outside.
In the midst of refilling coffees and taking orders around a still-sleepy lunch crowd, Dagny arrived for her midday shift. I almost cried with relief when her bright, expressive face smiled at me.
“H-h-hey!” she cried. “How is the d-day?”
“Slow. Quiet. I'm slowly dying and need you to help me analyze something. You're so good at it.”
A bright gleam claimed her expression as I followed her into the back. “I-I know, I hear it a-a-all the time. But uh oh,” she sang. “D-did someone get a kiss?”
I slumped against the wall with a moan. “Yes!”
“A-a-and it was amazing?”
“So amazing.”
“And you want more?”
“Yes!”
She grabbed an apron and tossed it over her head, then reached around to tie it in the back. A certain smug expression filled her face now. “I c-c-can't say I'm all that surprised with his ferocity last n-night. I would have kissed him t-too! A-a-and who kissed who f-f-first?'
“He asked to kiss me.” I plastered a hand over my face and peered at her through my splayed fingers. “Like a romcom or something.”
Dagny laughed. “H-h-how sad is your life, Sera?”
“I know!” I wailed.
“I mean, he j-just about killed a man for your honor last night,” she drawled. “G-good thing Hernandez stopped him or it could have gotten b-bloody. Th-th-en he walks you h-home like a gentleman and then he asks t-to kiss you.” She eyed me. “So what's wrong?”
“Nothing. Everything. I liked it way too much. He makes me feel safe.”
“Again, this is awful.”
I rolled my eyes. “What if it was a passionate fluke?”
“That streak of -p-p-protectiveness in him?” This time, she rolled her eyes. “Give me a break, Serafina. He may have been a g-gallant gentleman for any woman in that situation, b-b-but I doubt he would have been that pissed off. It looked like he b-barely held himself together. He c-cares about you.”
That I couldn't deny. There was caring on both sides. His question last night, asked with such sweet vulnerability, whispered back through my mind. “Are you frightened of me?”
No, I had been anything but scared of him. At least, not like that. I’d felt emotional, maybe, because he'd just dropped in like an avenging god. Grateful, definitely. Maybe a little bit in awe of him, too. The only fear around Benjamin came from just how much I liked him.
While I'd dreamed of that kiss for a while, and it certainly hadn't disappointed, the aftermath felt more encompassing than I'd expected. He'd kissed me that time, then taken me home. We'd both been quiet, as if we were stunned. Now it had been hours since I'd seen him, we'd sent no text messages, and my mental state spiraled.
Did he regret it?
Would he kiss me tonight?
What now?
Where did we go from here? What was I to him?
Did one kiss create a circumstance to define what we were doing? He paid me to take care of his child, so I was a sort of employee, if I looked at it from that light. But that felt too awful. No, didn't like that. Maybe I wouldn't cash the check he gave me. Then it wouldn't feel so . . . weird.
Benjamin didn't strike me as a loose kisser, either. He certainly wasn't the type to go around kissing anyone. The man barely spoke outside of necessity. So the very fact that he kissed me meant something.
But what?
Could a kiss be a fluke?
Too late, I realized I'd sunk into a quagmire of thought when Dagny nudged me out of it. “You have people waiting,” she said with a laugh. “G-go overanalyze while you're working. In the meantime, I d-don't feel bad for you.”
She winked and sent me scuttling back into the Diner to greet some new patrons and take out a fresh plate of pancakes and bacon. My mind had settled enough even from Dagny and my minimal interaction that at least I didn't have to fake my cheer anymore.
A kiss could be a fluke, I decided.
If it was one, I'd ride it this fluke out for as long as it lasted or until it wasn't one anymore. Besides, I didn't think it was a fluke, I just didn't know what came next.
And there was never another chance for a first kiss.
The restless night after Benjamin kissed me caught up to me sooner than I'd expected. After work, Ava and I stopped by the library, then played at the park for